Thank y’all.
My husband ended up not going to court yesterday. He is having some bad burning in his bladder I didn’t feel. I could miss it, so I called my sister and she came and sat with him while I was gone. I got Home Health to come and get a urine sample, just in case.
The setting was a little surreal. It looked like something off of law and order, except I was the ONLY person there, except for the court personnel.
They brought him in in shackles of course, hands and feet. The ankle shackles never came off, but they did takeoff those around his wrists For the 10 to 15 minutes he was in court.
It felt like a miracle to get to see him. He has gained about 40 pounds since he has been incarcerated. Not an ounce of fat, but he has been working out, and of course, not using drugs. He did look pale to me, but not from being sick, just because he hadn’t been in the sun. Being biracial, that has always happened to him throughout his life. Becoming so much lighter skinned during winter months. And since he is never in the sun anymore, he really looked pale.
He wouldn’t look at me while they were taking off his handcuffs. I didn’t know if that was because he was not wanting to break the rules about interacting with people in the courtroom, or if he was just embarrassed. But when he called me last night, he did admit that he was too embarrassed to look at me while they were taking off or putting on his handcuffs. Or when he was walking in or walking out.
He finally looked at me, and smiled. I smiled back and gave him a wink. I never took my eyes off of him, but he only looked my way about three times. Once he mouthed "I love you". I flashed him the sign language for "I love you".
He spoke off and on with his public defender. The prosecutor spoke and then the public defender spoke. It turns out that the prosecutor is not going to be the one to actually prosecute the case. He is handing off to someone else because he has some kind of other thing in this timeframe that he hast to do. There was the mention of a video that had not been located, was probably still at the bank. And the mention of DNA. My sons public defender asked for a four month postponement so that there would be time for her to get that information and to process it. The judge asked if she thought four months would be enough, and what did she think she might need six months? And she said probably so. So that scoots out his next appearance until around March.
The judge asked my son if that is what he wanted. He replied, "Well, not really, but I guess I have to." It was in a realistic, personable way. The judge said that he understood, but that it was his job to be certain that my son understood and agreed. My son said,, "Yes sir, I do". (He told me last night that he wanted to come across as a real person.). I told him that he did come across as a real person who didn’t really want to post pone things, but he was very respectful.
Then it was time for it to be over. He smiled at me one more time very briefly, then didn’t look at me again. I stood there watching as it seemed to take forever, like slow motion, for them to put his handcuffs back on. I tried to "will" him to look at me one more time, but he didn’t.
I was about to leave the courtroom because I felt that I was really going to lose it, but his defender motioned toward me for us to speak for a moment. So we talked. She seems nice, and as far as I could tell seemed knowledgeable. She explained that she did not expect there to be a postponement until March in reality. That she expected that there would be a quick resolution… That my son wanted that. She said that federal prosecutors are not so good about giving reduced sentences as state prosecutors. But that the man who is in court was a person she thought she might be able to work with. She also said a lot would depend on the state prosecutor. She told me to contact her anytime I needed to.
Of course I sobbed all the way home. Then I got a call from her investigator, and we made an appointment for 10 o’clock this morning. For me to go to his office for about an hour and a half to… His words… "I want you to tell me about the good, the bad, and the ugly about your son, so I can get a good picture of how he was raised and how he got to where he is."
I’m really nervous about going. He seems very nice over the phone. But for so many reasons that all of you understand, I have lost my basic trust in people. I don’t know why they want to know all of these things. If it is to get an understanding of how he got here, what I’m wondering is, the more they ask me about and if I tell them, about bad things, will this paint a picture for them that he is not worth fighting for so much?
I guess I’ll get more of a feel for it when I get there. I want it to be over. The thought of telling negative things to someone who has at least a semblance of input in my sons future frightens me so badly.
When I talk with him, I don’t want to give the impression that I am making excuses, but I do want to present things as contributions and influences for his decision making. But I know that they must hear mamas pleading for their kids all the time.
Any advice would be greatly appreciated.