SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

I keep feeling like maybe there’s hope for us- but then I go back and reread the texts and communications I have from his infidelities that occurred December ‘22 through May 2023 and all the pain comes back. I’m not sure if it’s good to look at these and remember or if I should stop and just focus on one day at a time.

I don’t think one day at a time is a good idea. Accepting the reality of what happened is wise. It sounds like that may be why you are rereading those texts. I wish I could describe the unknotting of my stomach, the unclenching of my jaw, the heaviness that left my heart when I finally ended it once and for all with my terrible addict ex. It’s the most sinister of deception and abuse. I’m so sorry this happened when you were pregnant. I hope you can get out while your child is so young.

I wish you peace and the kind of life you DESERVE.

Thank you so much. I needed to hear that. There is so much grief, mostly for the future my daughter and I were robbed of. I am hoping happier days are ahead for us as we get more and more distance from him.

For those whose husband's used prostitutes..

I'm hoping this makes sense..

Did you see the phone bill online,for the time they were using escorts? Can you tell me what that looked like?

I'm seeing odd things..things that make me think he's either joined an adult dating site,where they exchange pics and videos..or he's contacting escorts..

For example..
Random texts,or pic/video from a number a 6am,and then another from a different number 2 minutes later.

Or,he sends a pic/video to a number, he gets a text in response, and he sends another pic. Sometimes he gets a pic or video in response to the first message,but it's usually a text.

Numbers from out of state,and in our state.

There are also several numbers where "no owner is found," and there's no information at all. I am using two very good search sites.

I've always had access to his phone,but if he deletes everything then clearly I wouldn't have seen anything anyway. All I have is the phone bill. I haven't confronted yet.

HellFire, I just recently went through this, at least the last round of this for me as I have decided to end the cycle and pursue D. Back in May I did a deep dive into his cell phone records and made a spreadsheet to delineate between numbers of known friends, family, and colleagues, and numbers I didn't recognize. At the time, I was using Whitepages to look up the numbers. So many were "no owner" or names I didn't recognize. I knew something was happening but couldn't put the pieces together.

We had a period of false R over the summer but my Spidey sense started tingling again in late August. It wasn't until I saw this one day in early September where there seemed to be dozens of new numbers that he was texting at all hours, with a few phone calls to those same numbers, and then an hour long period where he was MIA with his GPS placing his phone across the street from a known illicit "massage parlor".

I checked Whitepages again but it didn't help. Then I decided to just Google the numbers. That was when my eyes were truly opened. If only I hadn't been such a Pollyanna, thinking formal phone records were my only resource. Each one of those two dozen new numbers, when googled, came up with links to sites like Bedpage - each one of those numbers matched to a sex worker.

It was undeniable. I got trickle truths from him but I'm just done with it, been roughly 16 months since my first DDay and this September was my 4th DDay.

I hope you don't find what I did but if you do, my heart goes out to you.

[This message edited by aliasgrace at 9:49 PM, Saturday, October 7th]

Hellfire, I’m sorry to hear your pain. I just wanted to add that if he’s using an IPhone and you have Cloud storage it auto backs up all messages he sends and receives. I found about 10 years worth. It’s a hard read. Big hugs you’re going to get through this xx

I truly think when they keep adding more "memories" that cause you more pain, they have an undisclosed reason they want to cause you pain. First they stab you with their verbal and emotional behavior, then come at you again and again with more "memories". they truly know what they are doing when twisting of the "betrayal knife"begins again. If his verbal and physical actions come out of the blue, then he is no longer the person you knew in the beginning of your relationship. I believe the way they are now is the real personality they've kept hidden. Their compulsions to cause pain and get gratification by doing so give them untold pleasure we cannot (or want to) understand. We can't let these destructive, arrogant, uncaring psychopaths continue putting us through literal hell. I finally realized this "person" is NOT what I thought he was after 34 years. It's beyond an addiction, but an inbred compulsion that is destructive to any who become involved emotionality with them.

Beverly717, your observation is one I seldom or never have read about on the forums, but one I was forced to come to myself, regarding their sadistic streak. I mean, who does some of these things? It isn't some "random" collision of their selfish or perverted urges impacting our life. To me, it seems they crave both the illicit aspect of their behavior and the power to hurt someone close to them.

I wish counselors would call this what it is.

Hellfire I was able to find info on a place my ex went to by typing in a number and then "escort" in Google and it brought up more info, can’t remember now but like a Craigslist type of ad. Sorry you are here.