Be patient about the double post but I would really appreciate perspective on these questions:
Comparisons:
I think they are unavoidable.
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When did you compare your Betrayed Partner with your AP (or APs)?
The comparison for the OM/OW "winning" when you fall for the affair is natural (at least in some moments / stages)?
Moments spent together, wishing you were with OM/OW or imagining how it could be with OM/OW?
Things you do together than you did in secret with OM/OW? What kind of emotions they elicit?
Does sexual comparison come up extremely often (in whatever extent, romantic or physical)?
Is it more intense before confessing / after confessing?
All those stories / lies that you said and maybe not confess yet, do they bring it up again?
Any regrets of things you did not have the chance to do with OM/OW that you are now stuck to do with your BS?
I wonder, the comparisons will never fully go away, whether you told the truth or not, there must be situations that bring it up.
The AP will always win after being chosen, for a period at least, or is permanent?
How does it compare to the sense of "freedom" you got from the affair?
How do you cope with your BS "knowing" or "feeling" there is, was, or likely will be (depending on the stage of betrayal), another person between the intimacy you and them share?
Regrets about moments who were better with either your BS / AP?
Last: if you manged to reconcile, does your BS stop comparing themselves to your OM/OW?
How long does it take (if it ever stops)?
- If you ever met by chance or heard about your AP, even years later, what's eliciting? And how about the above?
I only have half of the insight on these, can only speculate and that's always biased or ending up being blindsided
