Topic is Sleeping.
MerchantCopy (original poster new member #80675) posted at 6:14 PM on Tuesday, August 23rd, 2022
He told me about it back in April and I’ve been struggling by myself since. We are trying to work things out but it’s so hard because I have moments where I am having fun and enjoying our time together, but then it all comes crashing down the moment I remember. The girl knew about me. She dumped her boyfriend to try to get together with mine. I’ve never hated someone like I hate her. She used my depression to put me down while taking to him.
Currently we are still living under the same roof, I’m getting my own apartment in a month, I feel like I’m being forced out of a place I made my home.
ChamomileTea ( Moderator #53574) posted at 7:57 PM on Tuesday, August 23rd, 2022
I'm really sorry you had cause to find us. There's lots of information to be had in The Healing Library, so be sure to take advantage of that. Also, you'll want to really focus on good self-care right now. Infidelity is really hard on the body because your body can't really tell the difference between emotional trauma and physical danger. The same chemical cocktail which prepares you for "fight, flight, or freeze" is still released by your brain multiple times per day. Stress management is critical. At four months in, about where you are now, I was so sick to my stomach that I'd have divorced on the spot if it meant I'd feel better, so yeah.. important to keep up with pampering your body.
It's possible that the distance of having your own place will also help. I can't imagine how hard it must be to be in limbo, waiting for that move, but I do suspect that once it's done and after a bit of an adjustment period, it will be easier to focus on your own needs for awhile. For me, that really was the key to healing, getting back in touch with my sense of self and relearning to love and appreciate myself. We give so much away when we're in a relationship. Sometimes, more than we realized. Have faith though that you'll be okay no matter how this turns out. We've all been there, and we made it through. You will too.
((hugs))
BW: 2004(online EAs), 2014 (multiple PAs)
Married 40 years; in R with fWH for 8
BigMammaJamma ( member #65954) posted at 8:26 PM on Tuesday, August 23rd, 2022
Hi there MC,
I am so sorry you have a reason to seek us out but I am glad you found us. You are among friends here. If you feel ready, perhaps you could tell us more about your situation. Where does your WBF stand? Does he want to reconcile? What were the circumstances leading up to his confession?
Me- born in 1984Him- born in 1979We both have 2 kids from previous marriages and we share a four year old. I might be a BS, but at this point, I don't know if I'll ever know.
Update: As of 5/8/2020, my WH confirmed I belong in this club
The1stWife ( Guide #58832) posted at 11:17 PM on Tuesday, August 23rd, 2022
It is possible he drank himself into a drunken stupor.
It is also possible someone spiked his drink with something.
Since this is the first time this happened, it is quite possible he’s telling the truth.
I think the facts are not 100% clear here and I don’t believe the BF is lying about that.
Survived two affairs and brink of Divorce. Happily reconciled. 10 years out from Dday. Reconciliation takes two committed people to be successful.
Topic is Sleeping.
