SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

I’m so sorry for what you are going through.

No I am not saying you should tell her anything.

You need a real lawyer and I am saying you should tell them everything.

Hopefully they will take care of notifying the schools and law enforcement if needed.

Or they will at least direct you on what to do.

Lawyer, lawyer, lawyer.

Go for the max they tell you.

Do this on your own with your lawyer.

You need professional help that is only on your side. Let whatever happens happen after that.

Do it today immediately. Who ever you have been talking too is obviously not working as no action has been happening.

I’ll post again about your wife. Re read all these post. Look for one from a poster named Bigger.

He gives great advise on how to talk to your wife.

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[This message edited by JKai17 at 11:09 AM, Monday, October 3rd]

Why are you working with a criminal lawyer?

The police investigate crime (possibly CS, but usually they hand the investigation over to the police) and the DA decides if charges are to be pressed. It’s not done by customer attorneys, especially if the client isn’t directly connected to the actual alleged crime. In your instance your wife’s possibly illegal relationship with a minor isn’t a crime you are a part of. It’s like if your wife was robbing banks without your knowledge or consent you wouldn’t do time. Its only if you are a willing participant or hide her actions where you become involved.

Have you reported her to CS? THAT is IMHO the only thing you need to do.

[This message edited by JKai17 at 11:09 AM, Monday, October 3rd]

See that is what confuses me I would think blowing everything out first would help with your custody.

Just tell your lawyer you want the max and you want to keep your daughter away from that kid and is crazy mother.

I’m not sure what you mean by two lawyers one criminal and one divorce.

You are not in charge of her defense.

That’s her problem.

How has a criminal lawyer not blown her up yet?

She is not your wife or your friend anymore.

I know that is such a hard thing to deal with. I know it hurts. But she leaves you no choice.

Contact another family law attorney and tell them everything if you need to.

A second opinion never hurts.

You need a shark that takes action now.

Who ever you are talking too there is only one goal.

My wife is planning to divorce me, take my kid and move in with her affair partner.

HELP ME NOW!

give them all details, every text. Write everything down. Re read your post here to help jog your memory.

Give the lawyer everything.

Get the ball rolling.

That is step 1 2 and 3.

Don’t let up. No more listening to your wife. About anything.

Depending on the advise from the lawyer I then think you need to tell her brother and her mother and send her to them.

Getting her away from you will give you space to clear your head. But a lawyer may tell you you cannot do that.

Lawyer first. Full speed ahead. Do what must be done.

You cannot even think about listening to your wife until all legal protections are in place. Only for yourself and your daughter.

Not your wife. That’s her problem and only her problem.

You can keep posting here for encouragement but every new action she takes must be met with a call to your lawyer for advise.

Your wife is not rational right now. There is no reasoning with her.

You read that book where she talks about the state of limbo. That’s where you are at. She is still keeping a foot in the door. That’s what she wants.

Don’t let her.

That book while good in explaining the dynamics of affairs was advertised as a way to save you marriage. But it doesn’t actually give an example of a saved marriage.

The two examples she gives is one guy who threw the woman out and filed for divorce and another guy who filed for divorce but went to counseling with her and was trying to save the marriage. She never actually tells us if the marriage was saved.

That’s just shows you why these forums give such rough advise.

You have to be willing to walk away.

You can still be kind.

"I love you but I will not have that family in our lives" "I want out marriage but I cannot trust you" "I will never allow you to take our daughter and since I cannot trust you we cannot talk about things until we have a legal settlement"

You have kicked the can down the road. As the book says get out of limbo. The more time you waste the worse it could be for you.

No more wife talk, lawyer talk only.

I’m pulling for you.

[This message edited by JKai17 at 11:09 AM, Monday, October 3rd]

Ask your attorney this:
Are you in any legal trouble if you DO NOT report this?

One issue that has stood out like a big sore thumb on this thread is that a number of REQUIRED REPORTERS have been informed of a possible sexual relationship between a grown-up and a minor and this still sounds like its unreported.

[This message edited by JKai17 at 11:10 AM, Monday, October 3rd]

But the reporting it should help with custody and assets.

You need a second opinion.

What judge would give custody to a adult teacher messing with a underage boy?

Only you know what’s happening in the real world.

I feel like you have been scared and have been trying to save your marriage so you have convoluted things.

Call a new lawyer or 2. Go over things from the beginning.

Say you want the max and to keep your daughter away from that family.

Do that today. Right now.

Don’t wait till after your call Friday for that do it now.

Also while I like that book it was a little crazy.

Don’t let it talk you into taking it easy on the legal side.

You can try what she says after divorce and custody are in place.

You have to do it.

I know it’s scary but you have got to suck it up. I know it’s easier said than done.

Get a second opinion. Remember the only goal is the best for your self and daughter at all cost including getting your wife in legal trouble.

Nothing else is your concern.

You are in the fight of your life. Your wife does not care about you at all right now.

You are an obstacle in the way of her happiness.

If it wasn’t for your daughter she would be much worse.

Remember that.

I'm still confused. Why would either you or your wife think that a court would award her any unsupervised time with your daughter once the details of her criminal affair are known? This is not like a consensual affair between adults, it's criminal behavior that would weigh against her in any kind of child custody arrangement. You don't need her agreement to a custody arrangement before reporting her to the authorities.

[This message edited by JKai17 at 11:10 AM, Monday, October 3rd]

Why are you listening to your wife. She is the crazy liar. She is thinking about herself not you.

Please I am begging you at least consult with a private family law attorney.

Your wife does not need to know a thing.

See what your options are.

Just talk to them.

That is all.

A little baby step.

Consult with a real attorney.

If you keep listening to her you will be sorry.

I’m praying for you.

Google them in your area.

Find the one that says "we kick ass and take names"

Or more realistically one that says "we fight for you" "we make sure we get the best settlement for you".

Your wife cannot be trusted.

She told you you can have full custody and she was moving away (what bullshit) I meant to post then.

Now she wants 50/50.

Real lawyer, now, Google it now.

I hope things go the way you think they will.

[This message edited by JKai17 at 11:10 AM, Monday, October 3rd]

Don’t try and read her mind. It will drive you crazy.

There is a saying in this cheating world.

She died and there is a alien that took over her body. The alien has her thoughts and memories.

I walks and talks like her but its not her.

She cannot be reasoned with.

You can be kind in your words but not your actions.

You are getting out. And your not letting your daughter spend half her time a crap kid and crazy mothers house.

Your post confuse me. I hope this is a real lawyer you hired. Not some weird one recommended by the church or some school administrator or your wife.

I would still get a second opinion.

My wife doesn't want to go to the court for divorce since she doesn't want her "affair" would be revealed.
So I am working with paralegal for that.
But of course, my lawyer suggested me to have a paralegal as a point of contact but she is still working with me so my wife wouldn't know it.
Anyway, I think child custody should be no problem but I concern about my financial assets.
So I am trying to get her agree on 20 % of our assets and working to make it in place before everything blows up.

With all due respect JKai, your wife is a criminal that has been grooming and carrying on a sexual/romantic relationship with a child. You are treating this situation as if the AP is a consensual adult. This is not run of the mill infidelity, this is criminal and the moment she is charged as such, she will most likely lose all supervisory rights to your child. Please, for the sake of you and more importantly, your daughter, STOP listening to a single word your predator wife is saying. What she wants to happen went out the door when she started grooming this boy.

It appears that you are not thinking clearly here. I fear you are creating a legal problem for yourself the longer you hold off on separating yourself and reporting this to authorities. Please seek a 2nd opinion on the legal issues here. Your daughter could be in danger as your wife is not thinking in a sane manner.

Here’s the negotiation.

wife: I want (blah blah blah)

STBXH: I’m not giving you that. My goal is to keep you out of jail. But if you persist I will have my attorney file criminal charges against you and the mother of your "friend", who is a minor.

Now, where were we?

[This message edited by JKai17 at 11:10 AM, Monday, October 3rd]

What scares me is that several MANDATED reporters have been informed of the illegal interaction between a minor and an adult and yet it seems that none of the MANDATED reporters has reported her actions.
In California all employees of any institutions of education, clergymen and more are required to report any reasonable suspicion of child-abuse they hear of. If they don’t they face the risk of losing their right to practice and can cause their institutions high liability claims.

Using the threat of telling the authorities about the misuse of a minor to get something to your advantage would be IMHO seriously morally wrong.

Seeing as how you state you are getting legal advice to carry on this path and seeing as how the mandated reporters haven’t done so makes me question if this is so clear-cut abuse.

[This message edited by JKai17 at 11:11 AM, Monday, October 3rd]