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We are at the point of texting about our house and son but yesterday my WW called and admitted she is bringing the AP to visit our son in college. She had called to talk about things with our sons but when she let that slip after I figured it out I got mad. I’d like to try to be cordial but often times she says something that inevitably annoys me. I do hate the idea of her, the AP and both of our sons hanging out as if they are a family. My younger son has met the AP for dinners but this will be the first time for our older son and it really bothers me thinking of them all spending time together. I guess it’s part of the deal but I really don’t like it.

[This message edited by LonelyHolidays at 6:51 AM, Wednesday, August 10th]

I would hate it too. But sadly there is little you can do about it. Your kids are smart and they will see the AP with clear eyes. Don’t worry about that.

Hang in there. This is one of the shittier aspects.

Your kids are not looking for a dad. They are old enough that the ship had sailed on that.

Just hope he’s respectful and kind to them. Period. Nothing more.

Your kids may decide not to engage with that too often. They have the ability to say "mom comes alone or forget it". It’s within their rights.

Sadly you have to accept it. But again he not their dad. He’s just some guy your wife is with (for now).

Honestly I question any parent that brings a new person/relationship around their kids too soon. That’s not putting the kid’s best interest first IMO.

[This message edited by The1stWife at 9:43 AM, Wednesday, August 10th]

Thank you Bearly and The 1st Wife. She is selfish and awful. It took me too long to lose my soft spot for her but it really is gone now and so I struggle just to have necessary financial and children conversations. Her upcoming trip should be time for her and our sons but she insists on bringing the new guy. Honestly I should be happy. They don’t feel she is connected to them and this is just doing herself a disservice by making it about her and what feels best for her. She also wrote this self pitying Facebook post recently about how you never know people’s struggles. She chose to lie, cheat and leave but rambled on Facebook about the rollercoaster of emotions she has been going through and went on to say through it all one person has been by her side and she’s never felt more loved or accepted by anyone. She needs attention and a guy she left the person who was loyal for twenty years and moved to an area far from parents and family gets no credit. I don’t follow her Facebook and am not friends but someone sent to and it was so attention seeking it was ridiculous. I don’t dislike many people but she is awful and many people see it even if she’s desperately trying to frame herself and the loser she’s with as some amazing people rather than cheating liars who broke apart our family. Thanks!

Just reading this post has made me angry for you. Shoving the AP down your sons throats is ... shameless! Selfish, horrible behavior.

Of course you don't like it. But as everyone else has said, not much you can do about it. Your sons will come to resent her if she continues to put herself above all else. Her lack of any kind of sensitivity (I won't say empathy since apparently she is devoid of that) to how her kids might be feeling or needing is astounding. It won't go unnoticed by them, unfortunately.

Be there for your kids. Obviously don't shit talk their mother but asking them how they are feeling or how the trip went as a signal that they can talk to you if they need to will help. It looks like you are the only stable, kind hearted parent in their life. Keep being that.

I don’t follow her Facebook and am not friends but someone sent to

If you haven’t already, you might want to let that person know you don’t follow her on FB for a reason.

We've been divorced for a long time, and my youngest was married at the end of June.

One of her friends came to me at the rehearsal dinner and told me how fantastically classy I was to put my with my ex and his wife (not the OW, and I doubt if she knows his history--he's her problem now). Apparently, it was a topic of discussion among the bridesmaids that his new wife was a bit trashy and I chose to be above it.

That's what you want to strive for.

Cat

PS: My kids were required to do things with her kids. Welp, one of her spawn decided she wasn't coming to CatKid2's wedding. TEXTED CatKid2 about 3 hours before the ceremony. She was pissed, but mostly at her FATHER for insisting the CatKids have good manners but not influencing Mrs. Guttersnipe to expect the same from her spawn.

It goes around. Trust me.

Lonely- I feel you on the meet and greet. My ex moved in with her AP and so my kids are with them part of the time. As others have mentioned, there is nothing you can do. At least your boys are older, and they can speak up and make decisions for themselves. Just remember, its most likely your ex pushing this rather then the AP.

As for what she writes on Fakebook. Ive been shared things my ex puts on there since we are no longer friends on there and I don't personally go on social media is very similar to what your WW does. Its attention seeking, always trying to portray themselves as the victim, and seeking external validation. Let that remind you that you are way better off without this low self esteem individual. You now see her for the hollow person that she is, and its obvious that even the AP cant fill that hole up. People who profess their love and how great things are on social media now that I know from being on the other side, just proves that all that shit is so fake. If its so great, you don't constantly need the reminders and external validation. Often times its masking the insecurity that's really at the core of the relationship.

Thank you The End, ASC1226, Cat Woman, and Half time. I do need to not look at social media posts and need to be the bigger person. It’s hard not to be sarcastic to her when she sends condescending texts at times. She definitely sees herself and tries to portray herself as a victim. I would like to believe karma will catch up to her after the hurt she has caused to me and my family. Thanks for sharing that story Cat Woman. I enjoyed it.