Hey everyone, happy Friday.
@20yrs - yay for the non-cancer diagnosis, but I'm sure the prospect of surgery is still daunting. You got this. As for your WH and him not wanting you to see your friends? He lost the right to have a say in that when he cheated. Your boundaries are rock solid, it's a shame his weren't.
@LadyG - I'm so sorry for what you continue to go through. NC NC NC, is all I can think of that will help you, although I know you are in difficult circumstances.
@Chaos - I can't believe you are still having to deal with this crap, but good for you for continuing to kick ass and stand up for your truth and your life.
Why I'm here. I realised it's Mother's Day here in the US on Sunday. Last year, I remember sitting on my porch and sobbing my eyes out because neither of the kids reached out to me. I felt so disposed of, forgotten, unimportant, unloved. I think my ex reached out to me, as I was still talking to him at that point, which was small consolation at the time.
I'm not expecting anything from anyone this year, this isn't about that, but I am sad. I'm not in contact with them anymore, I took @Ellie's advice and stepped back from his daughter, and had one last catch up with his son. It's been a few weeks since I made that decision. I've also taken the final steps to block all of his relatives from my life (the last one was his SIL who I kept in contact with, but decided it wasn't helping me). To all intents and purposes, I've moved on. None of them have any idea what I'm doing with my life.
But I miss the kids. There's no getting around it. I feel like there's a hole in my heart where they used to be. I don't want to spend the day feeling sorry for myself. I don't want to cry. I am actually quite enjoying life. I'm heading home to the UK in a couple of weeks (am fully vaccinated as are my entire family), I have some trips booked for later this year, I'm making new friends, I'm enjoying the city.
But I look at the gifts that the kids / the ex got me in years past for being a "great bonus mum", and, well, I'm just sad. How they can be such a huge part of my life, but after his selfish, cheating behaviour, I just have to walk away.
I also find myself, once again, reading the posts /threads to find validation that I should be glad he didn't really want to reconcile and that I am better off without him, rather than being jealous that he wasn't one of those waywards who begged and pleaded with me to give him a second chance.
I've also recently come to the - very painful - realisation that I was significantly more invested in the relationship and more 'in love' than him. I am sure he cared very deeply for me in his own way, but he essentially followed my lead in cohabiting, marriage discussions etc because, I believe, he thought it was probably the right next step, and that it didn't really make his life any harder to do those things - rather than him actively wanting to do those things with me.
That has been a horrible insight to come to and it has made me really angry that a) I allowed that to happen (and it's something I'm working through with therapy) and b) that he allowed it to happen especially with his children involved.
So yeah, mostly better, but still a work in progress.
Hope everyone has a wonderful weekend.
[This message edited by Outoflove2020 at 11:04 AM, May 7th, 2021 (Friday)]