Newest Member: Elise1


DDay 1/15/2020. Separated 3/1/2020 Still healing but in a better place

Traveling Solo - Christmas

Since getting back from the UK, I've been feeling better. One way I know I'm on the mend is that I've been able to think about planning more than a day or two in advance.

Traveling alone is not scary for me. I used to do it ALL THE TIME both for personal trips and many, many business trips on which I travelled the world. I am extremely happy traveling solo, in some ways I prefer it, can make your own itinerary, don't have to worry about accommodating anyone else. Even when I was with xWBF, I still did my own trips. I went to New Zealand in 2018 for two weeks to spend time with a friend - he was, of course, invited, but he didn't feel comfortable being that far away from the kids for that amount of time.

With Christmas on the horizon, I've been thinking about what I want to do. It's actually one of the few holidays which I won't fully associate with the xWBF as he is Jewish and didn't really 'do' Christmas. We would do a fancy dinner on Christmas Eve if we were in the US and not the UK, and one year, I cooked "Christmas" dinner for his whole family.....not quite the same, given they don't really appreciate it given their culture. Typically I would think about going home to see the family, but having just been there for 3 weeks, and not knowing how the heck the pandemic is going to work out, I started thinking about doing something closer to home.

I'd been thinking about going to a beach (Caribbean, SoCal?), or maybe doing something uber Christmassy with snow etc (Lake Tahoe?). I was texting about it with a friend this evening and she suggested San Diego. There is a hotel on the water that does a great Christmas celebration, but she feels that I would be ok as a solo traveller, there would be opportunities to meet people.

Me being me, I started looking into it....and saw that my airline of choice had great deals on direct flights and the hotel my friend mentioned is my preferred hotel chain! So, I booked the flight. For someone who is a planner, I can also be impetuous, especially when it comes to travel. I can cancel the flight up to the end of August and bank the funds if I decide I don't want to do that trip any more. I'm keeping an eye on the hotel prices and will likely pay with a combo of pay / points.

I wouldn't say I feel excited. But I don't feel sad or despairing. I do have a little buzz from the spontaneity. That is more like the pre xWBF OOL....... I likely wouldn't have been able to do this with xWBF as we would have had to factor kids into the time.

Am I crazy for wanting to go away over Christmas alone? I might enjoy traveling, but I've never done a solo Christmas before. Anyone else done anything similar?

7 comments posted: Monday, August 10th, 2020

After the affair and moving on without them

Hi there

I've looked through a lot of the book recommendations on here, but many of them seem to come from the viewpoint of being in a longer term marriage / relationship, with kids, and the couple is trying to reconcile.

I recently came out of a relationship where my partner cheated on me. It was four years, we weren't married, didn't share any kids (he has two) but we did live together and it's been some of the worse pain I've ever been through in my life. I'm looking for books that focus on recovery from betrayal and moving on without them, starting afresh on my own as a middle aged woman, rather than trying to reconcile.

Any recommendations greatly appreciated.

4 comments posted: Thursday, July 2nd, 2020

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