Happy New Year!!!
Best thing, I really mean it!
I have been struggling with so many of the same things that I am reading here. The feeling of abandonment, the question, can he change, is someone else going to get the good part of him...
I think that is normal!
So, yesterday I started reading, "Why Does He Do That", Lundy Bancroft. I always just passed on this one because I think I thought, "why do I care?, it is too late"
Damn! this book is really hitting home and I am feeling so, so, so grateful for being FREE!!!
It is helping to untwist my mind and my feelings. It began with me googling "can he change" and coming across a list by Lundy Bancroft. It hit home so hard in a very good, very clarifying way. I really recommend this. Reading really helps me, I need to have the validation of my thoughts. After so many years of being invalidated, I need this. I lost my trust in myself.
I am posting about this in New Beginnings also, maybe it will help someone else too. This is a new beginning for sure. This is reclaiming myself, my heart and my mind.
I agree with JJ also, looking into yourself, why did I ignore the red flags, that is helping also. It is helping me to forgive myself and also to protect myself going forward.
Change is possible for those that want to change, for those that need to change but it is a very long hard road. The insight and commitment from an abuser, NPD, BPD, just plain asshole, would have to be so great. I think they would have to really hit bottom. For my x, I don't think there is a bottom. This is a long standing, repetitive pattern for him.
The list I found though really helped me to let go and to know that everything that he "promised", just more of the same, empty words used as tools to manipulate, hurt, control.
I am in awe of what manipulation really looks like! I lived it but because I do not think, feel or behave like him I missed so much. I just did not see it for what it was.
I wish everyone here strength, clarity, courage and most of all peace.