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I Can Relate :
"I Can Relate" Forum

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Deeply Scared ( Administrator #2) posted at 8:52 PM on Tuesday, November 11th, 2008

We can put a link to the old thread in any news ones on the same subject, however, when the forum is archived, the old thread would be gone so the link wouldn't serve any purpose at that point.

"Don't give up, the beginning is always the hardest." My Mom:)

My tolerance for stupid shit is getting less and less.

posts: 210060   ·   registered: May. 31st, 2002
id 3402543

Ibelieveinlove ( member #20921) posted at 3:02 PM on Thursday, December 11th, 2008

Hi Mods,

Would it be possible to have a "Mad Hatters" thread? This topic gets very touchy when posted in the General section but I think it would be great to have an "I Can Relate" thread.


posts: 276   ·   registered: Sep. 5th, 2008
id 3468092

Star727 ( member #22026) posted at 7:18 PM on Saturday, December 20th, 2008

Long Term Emotional Affairs.

If your spouse had an EA lasting several years that is now out in the open, do you think its love and they will not stop, or could they really just be friends and abruptly stop the contact because the BS demanded that it stop?

Me 55, H 60, Married 25 yrs
2 Kids, 19 & 24
H had long term EA with coworker.

"It ain't about love anymore."

posts: 765   ·   registered: Dec. 12th, 2008
id 3487072

Thanos ( member #22131) posted at 5:39 AM on Monday, December 22nd, 2008

I'm new here today and not sure if I'm posting in the right place or not ..

I'm a single dad of two wonderful children aged 6 and 10. Our second Christmas since our seperation is approaching and unfortunatly my ex will have our children this time...i guess it's her turn.

I just cannot imagine celibrating the holiday without my kids. I've been invited by family and friends to join them but I really don't feel like that is where I want to be. I just think sitting around with a bunch of people and not haveing my children with me would make me feel like such a loser and make me feel very sad. So my plan is to simply not celibrate the holiday this Christmas will be next year when I can enjoy it. I will go skiing for the day and do my best to have a fun day and not think to much about what day it is.

Does this seem unreasonable or can anyone see where I'm comeing from here?

posts: 258   ·   registered: Dec. 22nd, 2008
id 3489488

tmcmullan ( new member #22271) posted at 1:11 PM on Tuesday, January 6th, 2009

My D-day was over 6 weeks ago and there has still been no definitive NC letter. My WS is still dealing with how to present things to OW and seems to be catering to her needs (It's her birthday, New Years, Vacation, blah, blah, blah). He says he loves me and everything is going to be fine...He just needs to do it his way. I explained how painful delay is. He accuses me of pressuring him and starts to retreat. When I asked him what he was talking about in hushed tones to his friend who knows about OW while at a dinner party, he also got very defensive. I explained my need for transparency. He accepted somewhat regretfully. We are both in IC and MC. He has Appointment to figure out how to sort out his mess with his therapist this week. I am really feeling like he's just not feeling the remorse thing very much. Any thoughts out there?


posts: 7   ·   registered: Jan. 2nd, 2009
id 3520434

drowninginsorrow ( member #4545) posted at 1:12 PM on Tuesday, January 6th, 2009

there is a thread in here titled BS questions for WS... you can copy this question onto that thread

this is the thread

[This message edited by drowninginsorrow at 7:13 AM, January 6th (Tuesday)]

Love is a snowmobile racing across the tundra and then suddenly it flips over, pinning you underneath. At night, the ice weasels come.- Matt Groening
"I've found the secret to life. I'm ok when everything is not ok"- Tori Amos lyrics

posts: 56714   ·   registered: Jun. 3rd, 2004   ·   location: canuckistan
id 3520435

tk59194 ( new member #20874) posted at 6:37 PM on Wednesday, January 7th, 2009


[This message edited by tk59194 at 12:40 PM, January 7th (Wednesday)]

posts: 49   ·   registered: Sep. 2nd, 2008   ·   location: San Marcos Texas
id 3524534

cantbelieve ( member #22028) posted at 3:23 PM on Wednesday, January 21st, 2009

Is there a thread somewhere about Spouses of Workaholics?

Me: BS (61)
Him: WS (61)
LTA 4 years with co-worker
Married 32 years
D-day1 5/08
D-day2 11/08
Status: 6 yrs and wondering if I'll ever be truly happy again

posts: 1108   ·   registered: Dec. 12th, 2008   ·   location: DFW
id 3562052

countrygirl2001 ( member #18040) posted at 3:21 PM on Thursday, January 29th, 2009

I just saw the NPD thread. Is there a BPD thread?

posts: 131   ·   registered: Feb. 2nd, 2008   ·   location: Cincinnati, OH
id 3584453

cd103 ( member #1713) posted at 4:27 AM on Wednesday, February 18th, 2009

Free seminar in boston re BPD

If you live in or near Boston, it would be great to see you this Thursday at

McLean Hospital at the seminar I'm doing for the New England Personality

Disorder Association. Note: the seminar is FREE. Please introduce yourself

to me at the reception! Here's the original post.

On Thursday, February 19, 2009, well known "Stop Walking on Eggshells"

coauthor Randi Kreger will be giving a free one-hour presentation called

"Power Tools for Positive Change." It is from 6 p.m. to 7:30 p.m. at McLean

Hospital, 115 Mill St., Belmont, MA. The seminar is being sponsored by the

New England Personality Disorder Association (NEPDA). A reception will


During the meeting, Kreger, will present five powerful tools from her new

book, "The Essential Family Guide to Borderline Personality Disorder: New

Tools and Techniques to Stop Walking on Eggshells." These tools enable

family members to organize their thinking, learn specific skills, and focus

on what they need to do instead of becoming overwhelmed.

Blaise Aguirre, MD, Medical Director of the Adolescent Dialectical Behavior

Therapy Center at McLean Hospital, says of the book, "Randi Kreger has done

it again! With her new book, she continues to make the dynamics of

borderline personality disorder readily accessible to those of us who love,

live with, and treat people who suffer from this complex condition."

The seminar is for both family members whose loved one is in treatment, and

those who high-functioning loved one refuses help and is critical or


The web site for NEPDA is The site for McLean Hospital is

http://www.mclean. <http://www.mclean.> . For more

information, contact Maureen Smith at 617-855-2420.

Randi Kreger

Randi @BPDCentral. com

Author, The Essential Family Guide to Borderline Personality Disorder

(Available at www.BPDCentral. com for 20% off. Your purchase supports this

free community!)

To Do No Harm

posts: 5608   ·   registered: Jul. 17th, 2003   ·   location: planet earth
id 3637383

1Forward1Back ( member #11057) posted at 5:23 PM on Sunday, April 5th, 2009


We need a new Spouses/Partners of Sex Addicts thread. We is full to the brim!

Many thanks.

Me: 62 Yrs. (BS)
Him: 63 Yrs.(FWH- life long sex addict)
-2 ONSs followed by an A-2005/06
-cheated while we were engaged
-seems to stray every 30 years or so
D-Day-June 10, 2006
Working on own recovery. His is his!
Married: 37 yrs. Grown ch

posts: 967   ·   registered: Jun. 21st, 2006   ·   location: Canada
id 3745576

Star727 ( member #22026) posted at 4:41 PM on Wednesday, April 15th, 2009

How about a thread about "Living Like Roommates".

I'm living that life. I'm wondering how many others are doing this also.

Its a way to live when no other decision is easy, acceptable and inexpensive.

My husband and I live like this because we truly like each other deeply. He won't apologize for his affair and I won't forgive and forget his affair so we are at a stalemate in our relationship.

Everything else we do is good. We have friends and family who look at us and think we are such a loving couple and some younger relatives want to be like us. Our children are thriving and wouldnt if we were separated.

He takes of things in and around the house that I can't or do not want to do and I do the same. We have our jobs in our relationship and things work out fine.

The only problem we have - he got himself emotionally involved with someone I know and I will never get past it.

I'm not in a position to get divorced. Not enough money saved, we let our daughter take our second car back to college with her so we only have one car and have to save up to get another one.

Our monthly bills are so co-mingled, it would be a major problem trying to separate bills for a break up. Its easier for us to put our money in the pot (bank) and just keep paying bills until their paid off.

Husband and I are league bowlers. We bowl three nights a week, have a lot of friends and responsibilities in our bowling world. This is the glue thats holding us together right now. We have a love for bowling - I never think about the affair doing that time. When D-Day came and we argued all day, that evening he suggested we go to the bowling alley to practice (to get the affair off our minds) and it worked for me. I felt better and more composed when we got home.

So "Living Like Roommates" works for me right now. My blood pressure has gone down and I'm not worrying about my future anymore. I'm taking one day at a time.

When its time for us to go our separate ways, I think we will equally know when its time.

Me 55, H 60, Married 25 yrs
2 Kids, 19 & 24
H had long term EA with coworker.

"It ain't about love anymore."

posts: 765   ·   registered: Dec. 12th, 2008
id 3768542

kristy175 ( member #24125) posted at 7:59 PM on Tuesday, June 9th, 2009

i have just found this site and it is so wonderful. Some one here called me a madhatter and i had no idea what that meant. seems i am wearing two hats--the bs and the ws. are there any forums for this? is there anywhere to talk about this on this site?

posts: 99   ·   registered: May. 25th, 2009   ·   location: ohio
id 3902600

stepqueen ( new member #24897) posted at 1:11 AM on Monday, July 27th, 2009

Hi Everyone,

I've been reading most of the posts and I'm hoping that I can get some advice.

It's been 3 weeks since I found out that the WS had a one time affair which resulted in a child. We are going to try and make things work but I'm not sure where this is going to end.

It's been a absolute roller coaster ride but the crying and anger has subsided.

For those of you that have been here, how do you handle the OC? Are you able to be part of their life should you and your WS decide to make a go of it? How do you tell your family and friends that this has happened?

Any advice would be greatly appreciated.

Could this be a nightmare.....

posts: 5   ·   registered: Jul. 21st, 2009
id 4003703

Rellymom3 ( new member #24966) posted at 9:44 PM on Monday, July 27th, 2009

You are not the only feeling angry or pain. Just hold on and pray.

posts: 17   ·   registered: Jul. 27th, 2009   ·   location: U.S
id 4005540

kdny ( member #760) posted at 10:13 PM on Monday, July 27th, 2009

This thread is for informational purposes only.

Please post for support in the forum that best fits the description of your situation.

Whether we remain ash or become phoenix is up to us.
Sometimes the fine line between a nervous breakdown and knowing things will be okay is a pair of furry pants~unfound

posts: 81335   ·   registered: Dec. 4th, 2002   ·   location: Slightly left of center, standing on my head
id 4005615
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