SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

Hello my SI friends,

I need to talk about this, offload here, I have talked about this topic with my H and in therapy too but it keeps coming back.

Shortly after DD, I went looking for AP and found her socials, I came across her TikTok page where I discovered her vidios of her encounters with my H.

Her first vid said ‘I’ve wasted a year of my life trying to get you, can I have my time back…….please’.
She seemed to think it was funny or something to be chasing a married man and being rejected. Then we have a vid I’m assuming shortly after they kissed for the first time and her saying ‘we kissed but yeah we’re ’just Friends’.
One saying that she just can’t stop simping for this guy. She made rejection vidios, all timed correctly around the times my H said she’d offered him sex/oral, one saying ‘do I like being rejected’no’ am I going to keep doing it ‘yes’, and ‘am I being played ‘yes’ do I care ‘no’.
My H ended up in her house one night, he was asked in and was taken by the hand to be led upstairs, he pulled away and ran off, she even made a video about this, it’s so painfully cringy.
She made a vidio of her bedroom, bed adorned with fairy lights and the ceiling had red LED strip lights on it, the clip pans around to her face and she says I’m a good person and I’m good in bed, then wide eyed says your loss!.
There’s a few about me, one is a voice over from an episode of Absolutely fabulous, ‘Is she fat? No, is she ugly? No, she’s blind.
She did the ‘I don’t think you have the facilities for that big man’ one for my husband referencing to his manhood.

The one that I think attacks my very core is the one she made about my son, she must have been stalking my instagram page because she knew when my sons birthday was, she made this video 2 days after my boys 18th birthday, the video is of her stood in front of the camera it says ‘it’s official!, now I’m old enough to fu@k you or your dad’. Sweet Jesus give me strength.
I feel this clip makes me feel like I’m a failure of a mother, I have let someone get away with mocking and disrespecting my baby, my boy.
I feel I can accept the mocking of me, whatever she has to say about my husband and me, do you best sweetheart. This is my child. She crossed the line.

There were lots more clips she made, I’ve forgotten many but these are the ones that have stuck with me. The first video was in 2020 the last March 2022 which was the last contact my H had with her. The videos were on there 3 years later and are still up now, well as far as I know, last time I looked was a year ago. Why? And why make vidios making fun of yourself being rejected and humiliated in the first place?.

I wanted to offload these things on here because I wanted people’s opinions and if anyone could offer advice or words of encouragement, as I said this is something I’ve talked about a lot but, I believe it’s a protective thing, a maternal instinct.

Bruce.

Okay I understand your anger and outrage.

But look at who and what you are dealing with.

An immature, selfish, ignorant person who thinks posting a video about a very very young man is funny. To protect your innocent son you cannot respond to her.

You cannot even get the police involved at this point b/c she posted it after he turned 18. And so far nothing has happened.

I too was very concerned the OW contacting my children to tell them about the affair etc. My CH shared waaay too much info about our kids to her. Honestly I think she was planning to become the "stepmother".

Stop looking at her SM. I know it’s hard but the less you know the better. She sounds like she’s not playing with a full deck and she would Love to engage in a SM war w/ you.

1stwife.

I have not looked at her SM for a year or so, these videos are literally etched in to my brain.
I think reading a few things on her has brought the memories of them back.

I think she probably thought the same in her head, thinking she was going to have my life. Funnily enough I was barely even mentioned in fantasy land, my name made everything real. If my H colleague would ask how I was my H said when they’d talk about me and what I’d been up to with the house she would get up and leave the table. It was as if I didn’t exist there.

*here. Reading a few things on here has brought memories back.

Sorry I don’t know how to edit a post.

She does not have a full deck- she’s stuck in middle school. So sad and ridiculous. I’m embarrassed for your WS. Good lord.

As for anger from you - hell yeah. How infuriating. But silence is golden. Do not let her know she gets ANY of your brain space.

And kudos for not looking at her SM- tough train wreck to not watch. That takes strength and I am impressed.

Keep processing. I think there is justified deep anger you are still working up and working through. I imagine you physically feel it when you think of this- it’s visceral. I’m glad you are working on this with IC and your spouse. This may not be something you are interested in, but some therapies for PTSD type symptoms have been helpful for me. EMDR is talked about a lot and people report good results. I used other therapies that are not yet legal (but are going through the study process) and found them to be really helpful. Keep looking for ways to process this out of your system.

Keep working through it. You are on the right path - this is just a little bump along the way.

BB,

It absolutely is a physical reaction. I feel powerless and the lack of justice stinks to high heaven.

She got engaged in 2023, I have no idea why she keeps these videos or why her fiance is ok with her keeping these videos.

Your comment about being embarrassed for my H made me giggle, thank you I needed that.

Bruce

It absolutely is a physical reaction. I feel powerless and the lack of justice stinks to high heaven.

Of course you do is natural. Not only she is cringe af but she made it clear to everyone what kind of person she is. And is likely some follow her just for the cringe while others are guys thinking she is a whore and an easy one up.

She is not a whore, prostitutes have way more self respect than this skunk, who is so desperate for validation she has no shame in pulling this circus and saying this messed up stuff about your kids.

I sense is not even about your husband, is about his symbolizing some goal for her validation for some reason, and at the same time he insecurities and issues are so deep that she turned it into a competition against you.

If she can steal your man = she is a better woman than you, not the skunk she knows and feels inside to be.

Of course that makes you sick, I purport that what makes you sick is how obviously low value this woman is, evident to anyone, and still your husband caved in. He could see it clear as day, and he still "devalued " you by choosing her, caving in.

You feel embarrassed by that and I bet. What a moron is hopefully what he is thinking about his choices now.

Truth is, you are not a low value woman, you are in a different league. She can never reach you. Is your husband and her that are drawn into the mud, for everyone to see.

Not you.

She got engaged in 2023, I have no idea why she keeps these videos or why her fiance is ok with her keeping these videos.

Well just think what kind of person such a woman can attract. Got it? Exactly.

Leave the rest to the Karma, she will make herself even more ridiculous and her future instagram shitshow will surpass even the one she made you unfortunately a target of.

Your comment about being embarrassed for my H made me giggle, thank you I needed that.

I would like to join to feel embarrassed for your husband just for empathy.

Unfortunately it is a lie, I feel for you but when reading of him and her this is all that comes to me:

Ooooooffffff!

(Can’t attach but if you know the meme, you know)

[This message edited by BackfromtheStorm at 7:15 PM, Tuesday, April 14th]

BFTS

You know, something you said reminded me of a couple more of her videos because I thought exactly the same thing as you.

She made one saying ‘do I want him? Or do I just want him to want me?’ And ‘if I was In a room with every woman he’d ever been with then would he pick me?, who am I kidding, I wouldn’t even be in the room’. All these stupid embarrassing videos made me think that this sicko thinks that this is just a game, entertainment and if she could manage to get him to have sex with her then she got the trophy.

I don’t know what the oooffff meme is? But I’m guessing you’re saying my H messed up big time. Yes he did.

Low self worth and validation from putting the merchandise out there for both losers or opportunistic guys is what she is likely after.

I knew 2 girls like that, not even close to her level of cringe but you can tell.

She is likely to feel a desert void inside, she found a fix for her validation need in that crowd, and that is all that matters to feel better.

Yes likely he is a trophy for her.
Would not be as attractive if he was not your man.

And stealing him from you gives her the illusion of being better than you are as a woman. Many AP do work like that, guys too. Being "chosen " fixes insecurity. They are worthless because they feel so, so they become what they feel.

Stupid and pathetic coping mechanisms but that is how it goes, instead of becoming a better person they choose to roll in the mud.

Your gut feeling tells you a story. Mine just happens to agree. I learned to trust that.

The oooffff meme is about failing bad, publicly, so epically that one feels bad even witnessing the fail.

Way worse than being embarrassed, we are in the pity sorry territory.
Terrible

Oh my Bruce, that is one crazy story. That woman apparently loves seeing herself as some sort of star in a B rated drama movie. I can completely understand how it hurts and angers you, but I think it is obvious that she is a person who has no virtue. It is sad in many regards. It is an injustice to you most definitely, but objectively what a sad state this woman is in.

I want to say this and hope you take it the right way. On a certain level, I think you almost can laugh at how dumb and foolish your husband was to get involved with someone like her, and risk you, who clearly has a much higher value as a woman and partner.

On the contrary, I could also see it making you feel like crap ...like "How on earth could he stoop so low....is there something wrong with me?".

But please erase that thought....you husband was under a dark influence....he was not seeing reality, that is for certain.

Anyway, just hold your head high, let her vanish into history. ❤️

If I saw that on someone’s SM id pity them. I’d cringe and think what is the matter with them.

If I knew she was talking about the 18 year old child of a married man she was messing with I’d think she was sick in the head. It’s not just cringey it’s disgusting. You haven’t failed as a mother , you didn’t allow this vile person into your lives or encourage her in any way. How does your husband feel? What did he say at the time?

I’d currently be more interested in your husbands take on it. Has he seen them? What were his comments? That would matter more to me. She’s a weirdo but luckily she’s not living in my house or street. I’d want to know why he thought this was okay/ a great life choice/ if he was flattered and why. I’d listen carefully to his answers and mull them over.

It’s grim behaviour. Aspects of the posts are teenage and I can imagine 15 year olds saying ‘look at this loser, her posts are like watching a car crash’.

I don’t understand those that post such things for the world to see but she may have done it for him to see at the time. In which case what the hell was he thinking? She was literally posting red flags online 🚩 saying keep away im odd. Were the fairy lights red flag and warning sign shaped?

As for the new bloke - he clearly has issues or isn’t in SM any sane bloke would surely run a mile.

[This message edited by Abcd89 at 6:15 AM, Thursday, April 16th]

Woodthrush

You’ve got it, I indeed am absolutely astounded he could ever stoop sow low, the most shocking part is he could not see at the time that he infact was dealing with a rat.

His need for comfort, acceptance and validation was so great he deleted his family from his mind and took it upon himself to feast on poison with vermin.

Abcd.

My H didn’t know at the time that these existed, he only saw them 3 years later when I found her TikTok channel. He wouldn’t even sit and watch them with me at first, completely shut down. I told him it was a requirement, I’d had to suffer witnessing them so he would be watching them too since without him they wouldn’t exist in the first place.

He was in absolute agony watching them, if he could have dug himself a hole and crawled in it he would have, obviously back then I revelled in his humiliation, it got worse when I showed him the comments on the clips from his colleagues, he thought at the time nobody knew, his face was an absolute picture but he was more concerned with what I felt about all his colleagues knowing, I laughed and told him that I didn’t give a single solitary shit what anyone in that morally bankrupt vermin pit thinks of me, he smiled. Never asked him why.

At the time he couldn’t see her for what she was, he told me that he needed to be part of the group, lowering boundaries was needed to be part of the groups, she then pushed boundaries, he’s avoidant to he said it was easier for him to lie to himself and say it was ok and pretend it wasn’t happening or wasn’t real because he said he couldn’t face what he was doing, it was too much for him to deal with he couldn’t handle it.