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Newest Member: Elise1

Wayward Side :
Got Worse Before It Got Better

Topic is Sleeping.
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 redwoodforest (original poster new member #83671) posted at 5:01 PM on Tuesday, September 19th, 2023

Hi all, I posted a while ago about some suicidal thoughts. I wanted to assure everybody that I am safe. They did continue to get worse, so I checked myself into an inpatient facility which I was discharged from a few days ago. This is not the first time I have gone inpatient as I've struggled with mental health conditions since I was a teenager, but it was impactful nonetheless.

I am doing much, much better. Can't say exactly what helped for sure, probably a combination of the medication, time away, learning DBT coping skills, and our really productive session my partner and I had on the unit.

He was so good to me throughout the entire process. Very loving and supportive 100%. I feel secure in the fact that he loves and cares about me and is willing to give it his all to make this better than it was before. He told me he sees how much I'm trying and he really appreciates it.

Feeling hopeful about my future and our future. I feel much more stable and am hopeful that as I continue to work through my trauma my PTSD symptoms will reduce. I also know he might not stay with me forever, but I know in my bones now that both of us care way too much about each other and our relationship to give up without giving it our all first.

I still feel guilt, of course, I think I will for the rest of my life. I don't feel like I'm drowning in it though. I feel like I can wake up and take the guilt and use it to make myself a little better than the day I was before.

Please no private messages.

posts: 25   ·   registered: Jul. 31st, 2023
id 8808467
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DaddyDom ( member #56960) posted at 8:18 PM on Tuesday, September 19th, 2023

Glad to hear that you are okay redwoodforest. As someone who also struggles with trauma and mental health, I can relate to how very disheartening and powerful those suicidal thoughts can be. You should be proud of yourself for getting through it, and for taking care of yourself. I'm in a weekly DBT group and take Wellbutrin to help stave off the "stinking thinking". It's not perfect but I'm still here and so are you. It is good that your spouse is being supportive, I think that has more value than some realize.
Good luck, and feel free to reach out if you need help.

Me: WS
BS: ISurvivedSoFar
D-Day Nov '16
Status: Reconciling
"I am floored by the amount of grace and love she has shown me in choosing to stay and fight for our marriage. I took everything from her, and yet she chose to forgive me."

posts: 1436   ·   registered: Jan. 18th, 2017
id 8808494
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MintChocChip ( member #83762) posted at 3:18 AM on Wednesday, September 20th, 2023

Hey Redwood. I am glad to hear you are okay. PTSD is really no picnic.

As your a W then it must be really hard to cope with PTSD at the same time as all this

D Day: September 2020Currently separated

posts: 273   ·   registered: Aug. 20th, 2023   ·   location: UK
id 8808548
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SkipThumelue ( member #82934) posted at 12:42 PM on Thursday, September 21st, 2023

This is wonderful news on both fronts. And as far as guilt, I will always have mine but it's not an anchor around my neck. Shame was the one I had to watch out for more.

All the best to both of you moving forward!

WH

DD: 5/2019

Reconciling and extremely grateful.

I do not accept PMs.

"The truth is like a lion. You don't have to defend it. Let it loose. It will defend itself." - St. Augustine

posts: 129   ·   registered: Feb. 24th, 2023
id 8808673
Topic is Sleeping.
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