Hi all, I posted a while ago about some suicidal thoughts. I wanted to assure everybody that I am safe. They did continue to get worse, so I checked myself into an inpatient facility which I was discharged from a few days ago. This is not the first time I have gone inpatient as I've struggled with mental health conditions since I was a teenager, but it was impactful nonetheless.
I am doing much, much better. Can't say exactly what helped for sure, probably a combination of the medication, time away, learning DBT coping skills, and our really productive session my partner and I had on the unit.
He was so good to me throughout the entire process. Very loving and supportive 100%. I feel secure in the fact that he loves and cares about me and is willing to give it his all to make this better than it was before. He told me he sees how much I'm trying and he really appreciates it.
Feeling hopeful about my future and our future. I feel much more stable and am hopeful that as I continue to work through my trauma my PTSD symptoms will reduce. I also know he might not stay with me forever, but I know in my bones now that both of us care way too much about each other and our relationship to give up without giving it our all first.
I still feel guilt, of course, I think I will for the rest of my life. I don't feel like I'm drowning in it though. I feel like I can wake up and take the guilt and use it to make myself a little better than the day I was before.