SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

WS - if your infidelity was of the NSA kind:

My WH spent several weeks hooking up with a 'random' person online, then met her once for a night of NSA 'attempted' (his words) sex. He says he deleted her contact details the next morning and they never had any intention of communicating after that. This was 8 months ago.
He says (and has said since D-Day) that he doesn't think about her at all unless it is when I raise his infidelity. FWIW, their encounter was apparently far less exciting than they had both hoped, with neither really matching up to expectations 'in the flesh'. I am aware that this might be minimising things, but she didn't look much like her pictures when they met, etc....

I know that he thinks about his actions and feels shame and remorse, etc. But is it really possible that he doesn't think about HER unless I raise things? [He was somehow able to not think about me, his family or the OBS when he was doing the dirty, so...]

Many thanks.

But is it really possible that he doesn't think about HER unless I raise things?

The short answer is yes.
I never think about my AP unless something like this pops up. It's been this way since D-Day. I'm almost 16 yrs out. Now, I don't think about her much but I think about how my relationship with my wife has changed for the better. I have a 45 yr relationship with my wife. I spent a half dozen meetings with that woman over a month. There is no way the relationships and memories of that are any way close. I think of her and I think about a bad choice I made that brought a bad time into our lives, nothing more.

Thank you. That is so helpful to know it is actually possible.

Several years ago, my wife met a guy while out for dinner/drinks with her girlfriends. I saw a strange phone call and internet searches, and confronted her about it within a couple days. She denied everything and made up a story to justify the phone call. I knew she was lying, but until she admitted something, what was I going to do. Eventually, she did come clean, but is really fuzzy about a lot of the details. Since she was so consistently denying the situation, it seems like she would actually remember the situation better. It's not like I waited ten years to ask about it -- for several year it came up in every conversation we ever had about her infidelity.

I guess my question is, if or when you lie to cover up something, and the question comes up over and over leading to years of repeating the same lie, does that cement the details of what you're actually denying, or is it possible that they get fuzzy like any other years' old event? Thanks for any input.

I think some people can convince themselves of a truth. I do think that is possible.

However, I also think intuition is never to be discounted. Something is telling you it’s off. It’s not sitting right for a reason very likely.

Question for FWS's and mainly FWW. My WW expressed last night that she doesn't know how to deal with the shame of our close friends and family knowing. She says it will destroy her and everything she has "accomplished" in life. Is this something that some wayward's cannot overcome. She has mentioned before that sometimes she thinks it would be easier to run away then face the music. I have been hanging out with our friends group that she has been exiled from (mostly because she hasn't returned calls, texts, and offers to talk). It has been bothering her, but I am not going to shun life-long friends - who are my support system, because it makes her uncomfortable. Just looking for some insight or some books that can explain it.