SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

I would think firing them both would be OK if the OM has a clear role as CFO. If the WW is CFO and the OM the accountant or in charge of billing or whatever then it’s difficult.

I would encourage your sister to join SI and post in the wayward forum (and read, read, read there)

You can tell your sister something a hundred times but sometimes it sinks in better from people who have no dogs in the fight.

There are lots of feelings she is going through that other XWWs can definitely help with. They will also help in calling her out on her fog-filled, point of view.

If you haven't directed her here, I would encourage it. Regardless of how this all crashes/burns, she needs SI's help.

Man, I feel for you. You are in a tough position. I go by the proverb, a man who believes but does not do, does not believe. You need to decide what your core beliefs are and then act on those.

First. You did not cause this situation. You are merely giving those without agency, their agency back. It always seems to be the perpetrators of chaos that think knowing about the act is far worse than committing it.

I am ex military, and I have four core values: duty, honour, loyalty, and integrity. I try to make all of my decisions based on those four pillars. If there is someone in my life that would cause me to break on of those, I excise them, not out of malice, but because I cannot exist authentically without my core values.

My EXWW's BFF knew about her A, and I think passively enabled it. My MIL thought that she subconsciously fed off the drama. It was only when she and her sister walked in on a session that she was forced to confront the dissonance between her perceived values and her actual conduct. You see, my EXWW's BFF saw herself as a deeply moral person, yet she enabled behaviour that was amoral. Being weak, she could not confront, so she told my BFF.

My BFF then called my WW and told her that she had one week to confess or he would travel to our city and blow up the A. My EXWW begged, pleaded, and negotiated, promising the stars that she would change. He said one week.

In the end, she confessed but lied. I have cut her BFF out of my life as she lacked the integrity to remain in my circle. I tried to R but chose D for the same reason.

You need to tell the truth for you. How others react is up to them. You didn't ask for this burden, but it is now yours. Just because it has been thrust upon you does not mean you must carry it. Good luck.

[This message edited by Justsomeguy at 5:45 PM, Sunday, December 3rd]

Well said "JustSomeguy" I feel the same way about core values. My WW’s BFF knew about the affair for a very long time. Then a few weeks after D Day, she told me on the phone that me ratting my wife out to all my friends was an "unforgivable offense" all the while my wife’s affair was apparently justified. Someone with that screwed up sense of morals has no place in my life. (PS: I didn’t rat her out to the world, I was reaching out to my closest friends for support). And just recently my WW’s other best friend got pissed at my friend request sent to her new boyfriend on Facebook after we had a small bonfire and I hadn’t the opportunity to speak with him there. She was pissed about it, called me rude and entitled. I had done so much stuff for her the last couple years and never asked for a penny or even a thank you. There’s another person who I don’t need in my life as she is mean and disrespectful. My values I have I hold close and dear to my being and I will not break them for anyone ever again!

[This message edited by Copingmybest at 7:48 PM, Friday, December 1st]

The bears repeating:

Justsomeguy ( member #65583) posted at 7:33 PM on Friday, December 1st, 2023

Man, I feel for you. You are in a tough position. I go by the prover, a man who believes but does not do, does not believe. You need to decide what your core beliefs are and then act on those.

First. You did not cause this situation. You are merely giving those without agency, their agency back. It always seems to be the perpetrators of chaos that think knowing about the act is far worse than committing it.

I am ex military, and I have four core values: duty, honour, loyalty, and integrity. I try to make all of my decisions based on those four pillars. If their is someone in my life that would cause me to break on of those, I excise them, not out of malice, but because I cannot exist authenticity without my core values.

My EXWW's BFF knew about her A, and I think passively enabled it. It was only when she and her sister walked in on a session that she was forced to confront the dissonance between her perceived values and her actual conduct. You see, my EXWW's BFF saw herself as a deeply moral person, yet she enabled behaviour that was amoral. Being weak, she could not confront, so she told my BFF.

My BFF then called my WW and told her that she had one week to confess or he would travel to our city and blow up the A. My EXWW begged, pleaded, and negotiated, promising the stars that she would change. He said one week.

In the end, she confessed but lied. I have cut her BFF out of my life as she lacked the integrity to remain in my circle. I tried to R but chose D for the same reason.

You need to tell the truth for you. How others react is up to them. You didn't ask for this burden, but it is now yours. Just because it has been thrust upon you does not mean you must carry it. Good luck.

When the truth comes out - fur will fly anyway you look - Give your sister the chance to tell Daddy she's dicking the CFO and give time to the mess that follows - when people deal with adversity - takes time to learn to live with it.

Everyone’s suggestion that you follow your core values seems the best advice.

My husband was the boss and his AP the direct report. It is a quagmire of a situation. By definition you sister is legally responsible here. The CFO must leave the company, but by his own choice and in a way that does not beget retaliation/lawsuit. Your family company needs legal counsel and someone, most likely your father, needs to delicately steer this process. Your sister is presently a wrecking ball and needs to be removed from the situation, she is a danger to her own wellbeing and that of your family. She will not make wise decisions, there’s just no way. The moment the OW finds out—and she will—she will want her spouse out of that office and she will want to extract a pound of flesh. What better way than a lawsuit. If there is something better to be gained, a new job with good prospects for him somewhere else that may satisfy everyone, it is your only hope. In a small town, with him currently holding one of probably very few well paying jobs and their kids happily settled in school, moving will be a big ask. He will need severance money most likely. If you do nothing to control the process this thing will blow up sky high to your family’s detriment. Best you act now and get your father involved, assuming he’s a level headed guy. This may end up being the best thing that could have happened to your sister. It is going to set off a nuclear bomb but addicts (and that is definitely the best analogy here) need something massive to get them back on track. Someday she will probably see the error of her ways (no guarantee) and if that happens she will thank you. The CFO’s wife will not go meekly into that good night. If her husband follows the pattern of the vast majority of cheating MM he will drop your sister like a ton of bricks and try to make amends. You can already see the outlines of how this is all going to go…