GTS, I'm feeling your pain, literally. I'm nine weeks out of a 3.5 year relationship. I've read everything and watched every video on the different approaches to getting an ex back. I'll share some of the best practices I was able to mine.
I'm curious, what transpired just prior to the break up? Was there an argument? How have you two been leading up to it? Happy? Fighting? What was your gut telling you, anything? In my case, I said twice in the weeks leading to my break up during arguments, "something is off." I never asked her what it was, but I felt it.
If it is truly an out of the blue break up over a fight EDITING TO ADD unless there is someone else, you have a better chance than if something was brewing and she had time to think about, plan and execute at the right moment. In my case my ex thought about and planned it for months. Everything was text book in the break up and then in going no contact, the wording of emails about "the reasons," pulling her social media, blocking me....everything. I knew we were off leading up to the break up, and I now know much of it was her already detaching from the relationship and I think ultimately picking fights as a means to an end.
Do not contact her any more. I learned this the hard way and made many mistakes. It was already over in my case regardless, but it does push them further away when you pursue. I lost self respect in doing so. Let her contact you, and when/if she does, go slowly in your response. Feel her out. Listen. Be careful you don't take her back too fast. Be cool like Fonzie. Remember, you are the prize and you have a lot of options available to you. Remember your value. Don't lower your value within yourself, and in her eyes by over pursuing, pleading or bargaining. It won't work. If it comes to this and she does reach out and wants the break up, tell her you disagree and you don't want that but you respect her decision and then GIVE IT TO HER and go silent. She needs to experience and feel the break up and your absence. If she can leave once, the next time will be even easier and she has to be the one to come back to you. And remember, don't show your pain. Be confident and have an underlying subtle demeanor/attitude without being rude that if you have to lose her, you'll be ok, it's a big ocean out there. Wish her all the best.
Remember, men think logically and women tend to be more emotional (hope I said that right). Meaning, you won't be able to reason your way back with her. If she has checked out, she has potentially lost emotional attraction/connection with you. The only way to deal with this is to accept it, and go no contact until she comes to you, and not a moment sooner. Nothing you say will change this.
In my case, my ex currently wants nothing to do with me.... from engaged to radio silence in almost a blink of an eye. She didn't share or communicate things she wasn't happy with, wouldn't work on anything, instead, just decided to leave saying she didn't see a future with me.
Yup, I think this one hurt more than anything involving infidelity. At least you had anger to fall back on with that. The straight up break up just rips you're heart out and you can't do a damn thing about it other than to give them the space they told you they want.
It's a daily struggle to stay the course. I keep telling myself this had to be a blessing and to keep her off a pedestal, remembering she didn't communicate her concerns to me and worst yet, try to fix them. I've since learned through my learning and research why this is. She lost emotional attraction for me and working on things after the break up was no longer a priority or desire. NEXT!
[This message edited by Kintsugi at 4:58 PM, September 8th (Tuesday)]