Fighting2Survive (original poster member #28410) posted at 8:33 PM on Monday, July 2nd, 2012
Me: BW, 40.......Him: FWH, 40
D-day: 3-22-10
DS1: 11, DS2: crawling
Status: R going well
"When you can tell the story and it doesn't bring up any pain, you know it is healed." - Iyanla Vanzant, Broken Pieces
lordhasaplan? ( member #30079) posted at 1:45 PM on Wednesday, July 4th, 2012
BS- Me (45)
D-day: 5/18/10, lies and TT till (11/26/10).
Currently in R.
Don't carry others crap. It's your job to fix yourself, not your spouse.
homewrecked2011 ( member #34678) posted at 6:05 PM on Friday, July 6th, 2012
Sometimes He calms the storm. Sometimes He lets the storm rage, but calms His child. Dday 12/19/11I went to an attorney and had him served. Shocked the hell out of him, with D papers, I'm proud to say!D final10/30/2012Me-55
SuspiciousWife ( member #18108) posted at 5:54 PM on Tuesday, July 10th, 2012
Me - BW, 44
Him - FWH, 44
OW - former co-worker
3 great kids
DDay - April 25, 2008 - mostly EA with one make-out session
phmh ( member #34146) posted at 12:59 AM on Thursday, July 12th, 2012
Bumping so this doesn't fall off the front page.
Me: BW, divorced, now fabulous and happy!
Married: 11 years, no kids
Character is destiny
lordhasaplan? ( member #30079) posted at 11:37 PM on Monday, July 16th, 2012
BS- Me (45)
D-day: 5/18/10, lies and TT till (11/26/10).
Currently in R.
Don't carry others crap. It's your job to fix yourself, not your spouse.
ariadne98 ( new member #36154) posted at 2:37 AM on Tuesday, July 17th, 2012
Wow, this speaks volumes. Thank you for posting. Now I am sure where he is at, although innately I already knew.
My worry is that he won't move past this- which will be hard to take even if this ends.
pmal64 ( member #13551) posted at 4:30 AM on Wednesday, July 18th, 2012
.:~*~:. .:~*~:..:~*~:. .:~*~:..:~*~:. .:~*~:. .:~*~:..:~*~:.
BS-me-55
WH -60
"when they show you who they are, believe them"
phmh ( member #34146) posted at 4:16 AM on Friday, July 20th, 2012
This needs to stay on the front page!
Me: BW, divorced, now fabulous and happy!
Married: 11 years, no kids
Character is destiny
Jrazz ( member #31349) posted at 5:17 AM on Saturday, July 21st, 2012
Bump 
"Don't give up, the beginning is always the hardest." - Deeply Scared's mom
LILTOwner ( new member #36194) posted at 2:14 PM on Saturday, July 21st, 2012
Question regarding your list- sharing of passwords etc.
My wife's passwords have been very simple ones so after 25 years I know them to her phone log in, Facebook, etc. When I found out about the ONS, I became extremely focused on digging into her past. Read all textmessages, logged into her FB daily, tracked tracked her phone, checked her phone records online, etc.
Counselor encouraged me to back off for now- not go there. Yet I found myself hacking into her life everyday. Finally, this morning I asked her to change the passwords so that i could regain my sanity. Did I screw up? Should I ask her to share that info with me? Maybe wait until I'm not so much of an emotional/mental wreck?
Thoughts?
D-Day- 7/16/12
Wife WS- 43
Me- 42
Two kids- 25/21 living out of the house
POS OM- 28 OUCH!!!!!!!!!
Counseling Sessions- 1 joint, 1 individual sessions for both
Progress must be felt and seen by October or BYE BYE!
Jrazz ( member #31349) posted at 5:13 PM on Saturday, July 21st, 2012
Hey LILTOwner.
Don't ever look at it like you screwed up - this is a work in progress and we learn as we go.
It IS probably a good idea to dial the investigating back at a point, but I've also observed that it's a natural part of the process, and that you will slow your roll in time.
It's a good trust building exercise for both you and WW that you have complete access to her correspondences. For that matter, I think that both spouses should allow access to all email, social networking, etc. This is a sensitive topic and there are some who may disagree with me, but in the end aren't we all trying to build healthier marriages, and should therefore practice transparency as well as request it? Perhaps this is more applicable to the relationship in R. It's your choice for sure.
Bottom line recommendation? Tell her that you would like to look at having access to her accounts as a gesture from her that she has nothing to hide, and you will in turn work on dialing back the investigations each day to preserve your sanity. (Perhaps pick 2 specific times a day to do it, for example.) The compulsion to do it will subside. At almost 2 years out, I still "verify" from time to time, but not so much that it makes me crazy. And I appreciate the heck out of FWH for being an open book. 
[This message edited by Jrazz at 11:14 AM, July 21st (Saturday)]
"Don't give up, the beginning is always the hardest." - Deeply Scared's mom
Jrazz ( member #31349) posted at 1:12 AM on Monday, July 23rd, 2012
"Don't give up, the beginning is always the hardest." - Deeply Scared's mom
Bubbleup ( member #36120) posted at 2:46 AM on Tuesday, July 24th, 2012
Thanks. Poster thoughts a very validating for me.
Me: BS 50
Her: WS 45 NC since 10/29/12
D-Day 1 4-20-2012 D-Day 2 9-7-13
Kids 2: 11yrs, 6yrs
Married 19 years, Together 25 years
EAs became PAs. On the fence.
aesir ( member #17210) posted at 11:55 PM on Tuesday, July 24th, 2012
Your mileage may vary... in accordance with the prophecy.
Do not back up. Severe tire damage.
Jrazz ( member #31349) posted at 6:09 PM on Thursday, July 26th, 2012
"Don't give up, the beginning is always the hardest." - Deeply Scared's mom
Jrazz ( member #31349) posted at 5:16 PM on Monday, July 30th, 2012
"Don't give up, the beginning is always the hardest." - Deeply Scared's mom
Fighting2Survive (original poster member #28410) posted at 9:18 PM on Tuesday, July 31st, 2012
Me: BW, 40.......Him: FWH, 40
D-day: 3-22-10
DS1: 11, DS2: crawling
Status: R going well
"When you can tell the story and it doesn't bring up any pain, you know it is healed." - Iyanla Vanzant, Broken Pieces
lordhasaplan? ( member #30079) posted at 4:31 PM on Saturday, August 11th, 2012
Bump 
BS- Me (45)
D-day: 5/18/10, lies and TT till (11/26/10).
Currently in R.
Don't carry others crap. It's your job to fix yourself, not your spouse.
Jrazz ( member #31349) posted at 9:02 PM on Wednesday, August 15th, 2012
"Don't give up, the beginning is always the hardest." - Deeply Scared's mom
