SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

But I suspect she keeps contact with his mom and him since when I asked her to check her cellphone, she said no.

Why are you even asking to check her phone at this point ? You're filing for D right? Forget about the phone, like I said before "Keep the eye on the ball" and that's the D process, work with YOUR attorney (not a paralegal) and get the ball rolling, get the separation of assets agreement signed and move full steam ahead with D, then once the ink is dry you can worry about the teenager who is about to become an adult in days so CPS won't be able to do much if anything at all, that doesn't mean your STBXW won't be facing criminal charges, but again that should not be YOUR priority right now, your priority should be your financial stability and ending this nightmare by getting out of infidelity.

I’m so sorry this happened to you. You did not deserve this.

The problem is she is lost in a fog and unfortunately so are you.

You read that book. Now you have an appointment with her tomorrow. She sells how to save your marriage. Because you found her you have been on the internet reading and watching videos. Haven’t you?

It’s ok everybody does it.

You love your wife. You love your family. It hit you out of nowhere. Your whole life is about to change.

I get it.

There is nothing wrong with how you feel. It’s perfectly normal.

But this is the reality.

Your marriage is over. You can’t fight this. At least not in the way you think.

We have been telling you for weeks this is what was going to happen but you want to hold out hope. You want to try.

Your scared to report her because you don’t want her to be mad at you. Then she won’t want to come back.

Well she is leaving no matter how nice you are or how mean you are.

A lot of things that are said here are counter intuitive.

Ironically if weeks ago you had served her with divorce papers, kicked her out, reported her to authorities, told the whole church, gotten her fired from her job, told her family so they could get in her ear, separated her from her daughter and she spent some hours at least questioned by authorities or even better a night in the drunk tank.

She might have actually come to her senses and realized what she was doing. What she was going to lose.

But you have been trying to be nice, argue with her, reason with her and all you have been doing is letting her buy time, make plans, and manipulate you into making her transition as easy a possible.

MA’s visit was the last wake up call you are ever going to get.

Your wife is not scared for your daughter to be sued by the woman she just spent 4 hours with plotting against you.

They spent 4 hours plotting against you. You need to wake up to that reality. She is on their team not yours.

Your wife is not worried about your finances because of your daughter. She is lying and manipulating you.

If you act the only one getting sued is her. This is why you need a lawyer. To fact check this shit.

She has been lying to you this whole time. She will keep lying to you. Her number one goal is to get over to them and to take your daughter with her as much as possible.

She is not on your team anymore. She is right now your enemy and a danger to you.

Also she wants to keep you as part time babysitter. And to keep you close as a good friend and co parent. That way she can dip her toes back in your world then run off and have sex and love and music with her new family.

Don’t let it happen.

You needed to get moving weeks ago.

But you are scared and holding out hope.

That relationship will fail but it could take years if you enable it. And even if you don’t it could take fewer years but it could take a while.

You can’t wait anymore. You can’t.

Accept that she is gone.

Now if you want to try again in the future you can but only after custody and finances are legally completed.

You can be nice to her with words but not with your actions.

You are on a team all by yourself. And that needs to change.

Do you have no friends and family? You need some support.

You need to find an aggressive lawyer now.

I think you have already made things too confusing with who you are dealing with because you wanted to protect your wife and not hurt her and not make her angry so she will come back.

She is not coming back. At least not anytime soon. And you cannot wait for her.

Google divorce lawyer in your area immediately.

Find two of them that advertise some fighting word. "We fight for you" "we will protect you" those kind of things and set up an appointment immediately.

The only thing you say to the person on the phone is,

"My wife is cheating on me and she is trying to take my daughter"

Then you go in and tell them everything. Write down everything that has happened. Show them this post if you have too and let them read everything you wrote then show them all the text messages.

Tell them you want to fight for as much as possible and let them tell you what to do.

That is what should be happening. You tell the lawyer what you want and they tell you what to do.

It’s ok to tell them you are scared to report her to authorities. A shark who is on your side should help you with that.

If you get the ok. Report her to the church, school, police and her family.

You have let too much time pass. It’s time to hunker down this is your new reality even if you don’t want it to be.

There is no more "my wife said". She is not on your team.

Take action. I’ve have guessed right this whole time. So has everybody else quite frankly. The only difference is some of us want legal protection for your self in place first and some wanted it after you called the police.

There is not debate that you need to take action.

Like I said you didn’t deserve this but unfortunately this is where you are.

If she comes back pleading you can post again and let us know but you cannot let up until protections are in place.

That will probably mean divorce. That’s the reality. But even if you divorce you can still verbally be nice. You could always date again.
It doesn’t 100% have to be the end.

But we are a long way from that talk.

Baby steps.

Find another lawyer just talk to them.

See what they say.

It would not change where you are now in anyway and the only thing it could do is keep things the same or make them better.

Why not?

But my wife is privately tutoring him as side jobs so there is no institution involved.

A mandated reported is required to notify the authorities whenever he/she suspects that a child is being abused. There is no exemption for abuse that occurs outside the individual's workplace. The report is that a he/she suspects a child is being abused by someone in some situation. Anyone who is a mandated reporter and declines to report because it's not happening within his/her employment purview is breaking the law. Most people are reluctant to get involved in these situations; that's why we have a whole class of mandated reporters: to be sure that children are protected wherever they encounter abuse.

[This message edited by NotInMyLife at 12:23 PM, Friday, September 16th]

[This message edited by JKai17 at 11:11 AM, Monday, October 3rd]

Any uneven separation of finances to protect assets from liability for what she has already done could be unwound. Personally, I'd go for only what you are entitled to asset wise (50/50) and use the leverage on custody. That split is less likely to be successfully challenged when this all blows up in your STBX's face and her future MIL or underage AP sues her, and you since stbx will well on to the way of being judgement proof when it blows up, for damages.

FWIW attorneys are mandatory reporters in my state though I'm not sure how that interacts with Client-Attorney privileges. There are some people at risk here but charges are seldom brought on MR violations. It has to be especially egregious, like death was the end result, for that to happen. They are probably counting on plausible deniability or lack of concern to keep it from having professional repercussions if it is disclosed that they knew of this and failed to report.

I wanted to second Bigger’s advice not to use the reporting of a crime, or lack there of, as leverage to obtain better terms in your divorce.

NOT a good idea.

Keep it simple good sir. You’re overthinking a lot of this. Get a good family law attorney. File for divorce and report to authorities, without delay.

Avoid gambits. Follow the advice of your attorney. Just make a swift and clean break.

IMHO your WW has too much on her plate to consider reconciliation. She’s too much of a liability.

Maybe, someday, once she gets all this sorted out (civil, criminal, professional fallout and lots of therapy) she can start dating you again and seek R.

[This message edited by RealityBlows at 9:04 PM, Friday, September 16th]