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Hello,

So just a bit of an update. I am doing alot better. I am taking steps to focus on me. I go to a club and the gym now.

I feel stuck on stuck on a few things.

1. My husband is always going on about how he feels I don’t love him and how he needs that. I feel bad that i cant meet that need but I can’t seem to let go of the hurt which I do tell him. I am no longer really angry but I can’t be vulnerable. Depending on his mood, sometimes he accepts this with humility at other times he lashes out, like he was going to get a flat elsewhere as I don’t love him, sometimes name calling (if he has been drinking). Anyway this just hurts me more, like a vicious cycle.

2. I also so wanted to get some opinions on this. So I am pretty sure his ap has a new boyfriend which made my husband low. Anyway, if you read my previous posts, I caught him last October talking to her, all about how he misses her, they had been texting but stopped and he basically loves her (but he didn’t go so far as say that) .

After this and I threatened to divorce him he swore blind he cut all contact. That he stopped giving her his work to do and focuses more on people in his office. But I have recently seen an email from his boss asking him to be her trainee supervisor to oversee her work. I don’t know if this is just a tick box exercise and means nothing but just for the training provider to see that it is covered but it annoyed me. he could have made an excuse that they are not located in the same office and is better if his boss does it. He doesn’t know I know but it is a trust thing. Further eroding

I feel stuck as I am not ready to fully commit but not leaving either. So I have some empathy for my husband that limbo is a hard place to be

[This message edited by Lemonpie at 5:47 PM, Tuesday, February 4th]

Is this really 'doing better'?

It is totally unreasonable for him to believe you owe him love or sex. If he had any understanding of an A, IMO, he would know that. He needs to earn love back. Have you told him that? How does he respond?

Getting angry is sitches you describe is more evidence that he doesn't get what he did or what he needs to do to recover.

Accepting that assignment from his boss is so bad I don't have a word for it. Your H, IMO, needs to get honest and tell his boss explicitly why he should not take that role. If he's the only one who can do it, or if outing himself will result in losing his job, then he needs to get a new job.

IMO, that he doesn't understand the impact of his behavior is a gigantic red flag.

Is this really what you want? If not, what makes you think your H will change?

Thank you Sisson for the reply. I am better in myself but you are right the relationship isn’t better. I try to bury it and just want to get on with the day to day until an argument happens . then like last night my husband really wanted me to tell him I love him’ and got annoyed with me for not doing it like I meant it and then was angry that I said that I didn’t trust him. I pointed out that he hasn’t proved himself to be and brought up the affair which causes him to shutdown and then it goes into ‘you are so mean’ etc etc.

Anyway, I guess I just wanted to know if this is just normal. I would find it hard to have past deeds thrown in my face.

I would find it hard to have past deeds thrown in my face.

Except they're not in the past, are they? He's still pursuing a relationship with the AP which means he's still betraying you. Why are you giving him blowjobs? Don't you feel like you're betraying yourself?

[This message edited by SacredSoul33 at 5:11 PM, Tuesday, February 4th]

Ditto.

Your H isn't taking responsibility for his A. It's impossible to R with someone who doesn't want to redeem themself. It's impossible to feel good being with that sort of WS.