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This week has really thrown me. Having AP thrown in my face, then taken away and now my WH can’t go to goodbye drinks because she will be there.

I am spiralling really bad, crying at the drop of a hat again, asking him questions all over again and just in a state of pure despise.

I said to him tonight I will never understand how you could pick someone like her over me and the kids. He told me it was some new and something exciting and that we were so different. And let me tell you im fucking glad, I would hate to be a selfish, pompous bitch who only cared about getting laid by someone with a ‘Dad bod’.

The funny thing is though at her age I had her exact same job but had a hell of a lot more responsibility and was married. He got with her at work the same the same way he got with me. It makes me feel sick with some of the commonalities 🤮

So on a Friday night, instead of going out in our new car (which we have had a week but I haven’t even had a ride in yet) and having a nice family dinner out, I’m sitting on my couch crying and drinking wine while him and my eldest boy go and buy dinner for themselves because I can’t even stomach the thought of food.

I honestly thought this type of meltdown was behind me. Apparently not.

[This message edited by Webbit at 9:45 AM, Friday, January 17th]

It’s been 3 months since dday for me. I know it’s considered early still, but last night I’m in the middle of a workout and I just start crying for no reason at all.

It’s overwhelming at times. I think it’s because I just don’t understand how someone could be so shortsighted, selfish, and insecure that they couldn’t have spared me the pain before they chose to betray our marriage.

And I also think that I’m angry at myself for not seeing they were capable of doing this. Because I don’t think I would’ve married them if I knew ahead of time.

You had a great big emotional lead up to encountering the AP, and then a great big let-down when it didn't happen, and none of it would have happened if your H hadn't taken a monster shit right where you both eat. It's completely normal for you to be having a great big release of emotions. Giant hugs.

I had a monster meltdown at a Cross Canadian Ragweed concert about a year after DDay. I don't even remember why, except that it was related to anger about his A, but I basically ruined it for myself. And then the band broke up. Things like that are going to happen, and it's okay. We're not machines. Love on yourself and consider a nice, comforting distraction.

Seems like every time I have a meltdown I think—ok, maybe this will be the last bad one of these I will have. Of course that never seems to be the case. Although they are way less frequent so that’s a good thing I guess. Seems like the intensity is still just as bad when it does happen, though. And 4characters, I am also at exactly 3 months from DDay today. Many in here will say that is too soon to be "over" any of this but it feels like forever to me and I am working hard on healing myself and not having unrealistic expectations about what the future will hold. I just had almost an entire week of feeling almost ok and without any crying, then today we were sitting in McDonald’s grabbing a quick breakfast while cleaning out his Mom’s apartment (she died suddenly in the midst of all this which was the last thing either of us needed). Some song I never heard before came on the overhead speakers and the words were about how much in love the singer was, how he wanted to spend the rest of his life with this person and she was so amazing—I just started crying and had to go take a walk until the stupid love song was over. He used to feel that way about me and I just don’t know at this point if we will ever get back to that. We are starting 3 weeks apart as of this afternoon, to give us time and space without being on top of each other so we can figure out what we really want. Ugh, I just want this to be done. I know I can’t rush it but I miss feeling good about the little things in life.

Change your expectations. One metaphor that helped me was: after d-day, the BS is riding waves of feelings - sometimes peaks, sometimes troughs, sometimes apparent plateaus, sometimes moving from one to the other. The BS has to ride the waves.

You're in your MIL's apartment and tears come on - ride the wave - let yourself cry. That lets go of the feelings that came/are coming up. Happens while driving? Consider pulling over to the side of the road and/crying/yelling/cowering in pain, hiding your face in shame, etc., etc., etc.

Feeling the feelings lets them go. Not letting yourself feel them keeps them around.

You've gotta be safe to feel. If you're not safe, you may have to keep them in, but that can be temporary.

Sisoon: good advice. I have found if I fight back the tears they just stay under the surface, ready to erupt later at the slightest thing. Letting them out doesn’t necessarily feel better but at least it stems the tide for awhile. And I can go days now without feeling the need to cry so am trying to take my successes where I can. 3 weeks after DDay I had to have major sinus surgery and wasn’t allowed to blow my nose for a week. That was fun with all the crying I was doing then. And the day I got home from surgery the APs husband found my number and decided to send me a bunch of screen shots of their texting, in case I wasn’t aware how bad it was. Little poems and stories he had written for her, a crossword puzzle he made of all their little private things (we used to make those for each other—I was doubly pissed that he used our thing with her), song lyrics etc. It was back to DDay all over again, with the added fun of post-op sinus pain thrown in. Then Thanksgiving and Christmas hit with my MIL’s funeral on New Year’s Eve. It was a very dark time but I am finally seeing some cracks of light. And we are making cautious gains in our R efforts. I am focusing on myself now and getting my head in a good place and that is helping a lot. Thanks everyone on here for the support.