So in February of this year, my gut instinct kicked in with husbands behaviour, so I went through his phone. Saw texts that confirmed he had cheated with someone, I threw him out. To cut a very long story short, we went for counselling where he blamed me, said I didn't show affection etc, very severe gaslighting. I investigated who he had cheated with and found it was a male prostitute, something husband denied for weeks on end. He then admitted it was and it was for oral sex, him being the recipient. He had been with him twice he said. I also found a multitude if dating sites that he registered to, read conversations with women, a swinger site with conversations and found more men he had conversed with, he denied meeting them. My dad passed away not long after all this and I allowed him back to support me and children, after my dad's funeral and him for weeks telling everyone he would put things right I found he had cheated again, with a different man, same thing along with a massage and shower. Cue me hitting rock bottom. I then had a major op, lost my dog, my cat, my job and my car and life has become too much. He is living in the house, eventually admitted he had a cocaine problem and that caused him to do what he did, he went for counselling and wants to make it work, he had a breakdown. For me, I am struggling, I've been diagnosed with PTSD, anxiety and depression, I had a suicide attempt. I currently go through his phone and find nothing, do drug tests, all clear BUT my trust is gone, I don't know how to work on getting it back, my self esteem is non existent and I overthink and do my own head in. I'm constantly in flight mode. I don't know what I want, he is my go to person, always, but is it trauma bond? He says he isn't bisexual and feels disgusted with himself but I can't get over things and overthink the evidence I found, internet searches etc
