SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

First of all I hate the term "triggered" as I think it’s overused but anyways…..yesterday I was triggered and I still feel it today, although not as badly. I share a mutual acquaintance with my stbx COW AP. Yesterday this mutual acquaintance posted on her FB about what an awesome "boss and beastie" she has and tagged the COW in the post. I was SO ANGRY. And it’s because it seems like such bullshit that this woman that’s been involved with MULTIPLE married men, still gets to keep her social standing intact. I generally have always been able to move on from the women involved quickly bc at the end of the day it was on my husband to protect our marriage and me, but every so often I hope karma catches up to these women. Yesterday and today were some of those days. Before my husband got involved with her it was his boss. And we know bc she would send the pictures the boss sent to her, to a group chat to make fun of him. His wife found out and made him quit, which is how my husband got the job. Seeing her name I of course clicked on it and most recently she had so many people wishing her a happy bday and her husband (whom I contacted about the affair BOTH TIMES) was posting about how much he loves her and blah blah blah. I know there can be plenty going on behind closed doors but I also know she blamed my husband for this affair saying he was harassing her (even though when you read the emails it was clear it was not harassment since she was the one pushing g for them to meet for a lunch date (her words)). It just makes me angry that she still gets to be seen as that great person and I’m just a used up old hag that couldn’t keep a husband (this is my current pity party lol). I just wish I could go crazy and tell her off. I wish I could share the emails so everyone could see. But I won’t bc that’s not who I am. I just hate being triggered like this and feeling this way. I wish cheaters were shunned by society like they should be. But it seems they thrive more than those of us left to pick up the pieces.

Sorry that you've had a bad couple of days. Can you unfollow the mutual friend until you're in a better place?

While I'm still picking up some of the pieces, I'm having fun and doing what I want for a change. XWH is having money troubles and sometimes can't afford to come visit the kids. The kids are adults and they don't care to maintain a relationship with him because he's such an energy vampire. So, he's missing out on being with his kids and grandkids.

Oh Elle, I’m sure all is BS have been there. I used to be the girl that also only blamed the partner but that was before the A.

While I know my WH was the one who cheated on me the OW knew he had a wife and a 5year old son and just did not give a shit. She knew what she wanted and she got it.

And it made me so mad that people kind of saw her as a victim and asked if she was ok. I just wanted to scream and punch her in the face (I wouldn’t but I must admit the thought crossed my mind). It also made me mad when she got promoted at work when she used work time to make out with my stupid husband out the back where they thought the cameras couldn’t see them. Idiots.

I think the issue is I just don’t understand women like her. I could never do that to another woman or family. But she is so young. She has never had a family to lose to truly understand the hurt she and my WH could cause. Still - f*ck her 😂😂😂

Do you need or want to remain friends with the mutual acquaintance? If not, unfriend her.

If you do need or want to remain friends, block the OW. That will prevent the acquaintance's tagged photos of the OW from showing up in your feed.

It would be ideal if you blocked them both. If you do block, you have to take steps to unblock and reblock, and that would help prevent you from pain shopping.

Hi guys,
I did "take a break" from the mutual friend (that an option on FB) but I’m glad that I’m not the only one that’s gotten tired of this narrative. It feels unfair for her to be celebrated for anything knowing who I know her to be. I also makes me question the mutual friend as well. I can’t help but wonder if she knew. I have my days where I wish I could just start this life over bc for having only one, it sometimes feels like I’ve gotten the shit end of the deal for the last decade or so.

Your feelings and reactions are normal. And yeah, wanting to punch someone also normal. (Just don’t).
karma sometimes takes its sweet time, and sometimes it works silently behind the scenes. So don’t trust FakeBook.

(Side note— the typo that calls her BEASTIE not Bestie is one of the greatest!
)

She’s a POS and the mutual acquaintance is either an enabler OR uninformed on the damage cheating does OR really doesn’t know. I admit I always thought cheating was terrible, but had no idea on the level of destruction it brings until it happened to me. You decide which and block/unfriend accordingly.

And i know it looks like they thrive, but i have to think that they are just not living as well as we do. They don’t know what PURE love is, what it is Iike to not be a side piece or scraps. They just put on a good show. There is an emptiness and rotting smell deep in them that they cannot escape, whereas we know we are good.

So F*ck her. Block and protect your headspace.

Your post hit me HARD!

The injustice of the whole thing has been the thing I've been really struggling with lately. They still live together and both kept their jobs despite having an affair at work. They have suffered zero consequences for what they did and instead, have heaped the whole shit sandwich on me to consume. If I were in a better place than them, I think I would feel better about the whole thing, but I have to feel awful and attempt to rebuild my life while they get everything they've ever wanted. It's just bs.

It is amazing what happens to your life once you get off that much social media. I got off because of the amount of vitriol I saw when friends/acquaintances would go in orbit over anything. There is no reason for you to have anyone as a friend on FB who has the ability to hurt you. Even innocently. You will not believe the peace of mind you get when you realize the amount of time you lost being on SM.
Taking care of yourself is so important. Don’t do this to yourself. Do something radical and old fashioned. Call people and talk on the phone, or zoom, or in person on WhatsApp. There are many ways to connect with the people who make you happy. Do those and let go of the ones who bring sadness in.

I’m 12 years out from his PA, and almost 2 yrs out from his EA. Your post hit me right smack between the eyes! I used to be someone that lived on SM - my whole life was on Facebook. So when Dday #1 happened, the WHOLE sordid affair played out in real time on Facebook. So humiliating. The AP was on every platform back then - and unfortunately I went pain shopping OFTEN. I mean it was easy, she put her whole life out there. Ugh. So when the A came out, everyone knew. And then my H changed his relationship status from Married to Separated, then to Single. And people just picked up on all of that. His AP blocked me eventually but back then I had a fake account and FB wasn’t so locked down then as it is now. I’ve grown a lot since then!! When I see a post on FB, and things look all perfect and sunshine and rainbows, the skeptic in me takes over. Because I know how hard I tried to make people believe that every single aspect of my life on SM was "perfect". Every post was amazing, my life was amazing, my marriage was rock solid amazing. HA. And when the house of cards fell apart, what a spectacular fall from grace that was. Now I see posts and think, 🤔 hmmm yea ok, some of us know you in real life. It’s not my place to shine the light on another persons indiscretions, it’s not my job to make others aware that the person they follow on SM is not really a good human. I just have a silent laugh because I know how hard someone is trying to put forth a certain image. And while it may SEEM like the cheaters are thriving, I think they aren’t. You just get a small snippet of someone’s life on SM, and always going to be the highlight reel, the good stuff, never the bad things that go on behind closed doors! Case in point - my BIL is on his 5th marriage. He posts the sweetest, kindest, most loving posts to his 5th wife. Everyone comments "you guys are sooo cute" and when I see that I look at my H and I’m like, hmmm wonder what your brother did at home that now he has to make this public declaration of his love to #5 on his SM?? I know for a fact that union is not all that, yet if you look on SM they’re the couple of the year 😂😂😂. Plus I’m friends with wives 1-4, so yea I know a few things in the 30 yrs I’ve been a part of this family. I don’t trust social media and I certainly don’t trust FB.
Block, Unfriend, Unfollow - use those tools!

I'm rarely on SM these days and if I do post, it’s most likely something about my pets!