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How many people used alcohol here during the early months after dday? I was never a big drinker since having my kids but now I’m going through tequila like water. Yes I know it isn’t good but between that and the gym it’s all I got to keep my sanity.
Did you have long lasting issues because of it . Does it delay healing?

I am right there with you!!! I swear I could have bought a winery with the money I spent on my favourite ’rosé’.

But I did get wasted way to many times for my liking and that is when ‘angry and very aggressive’ me came out so I chose to slow it down.

But I get it. Some days are just so f*cking hard and you just need to take the edge off 😩

Yes I did drink too much and too frequently in the early days.
If you are struggling and using it to help manage the stress and trauma then definitely see your Dr.
There breeds that can help you manage better and get good sleep and regroup. The first 2 months I couldn't sleep or eat. I got medication that helped me so much more than booze. Without the negative effects. I also found that if I could get decent sleep it allowed to control my feelings better, and process this whole thing much better. Of Ai didn't sleep I couldn't process or control my emotions. I was much quicker to snap and fall off the edge of where I was barely holding it together.
This is often the biggest trauma one has dealt with. There is zero shame in needing medication to help you get through this.
Lastly alcohol is a depressant. It will make you feel bad. It may help you sleep but the quality of sleep is bad and leaves you feeling lousy. It's also really really really bad for your brain and body, empty calories, and gi system.
I'm not saying neve drink but don't use it as a crutch or tool. There are ugh better options out there.

I am going to make an appt with a dr soon. I woke up this morning to a message regarding the OW before my feet even hit the floor. To say I spiraled is an understatement, I ended up at the liquor store at 4 pm.

This trauma is like no other I have ever experienced and I don’t know how to function sober…. I canceled IC because of funds this week and I probably shouldn’t have.

Nope.

I grew up with an alcoholic father, and I knew firsthand the damage alcohol can do.

My D-day was 18 years ago, and I had three children I had to care for, even just to be physically present.

I don't recall even wanting alcohol to help soothe my emotions.

Tried several anti-depressants, not much luck because of the side effects.

I agree with Tush, getting a good night's sleep helps give you clarity when you are under so much stress.

Suggest meeting with your MD for a temporary sleep aid.

Guys.

My mother and father were both alcoholics, but of different types.

For some reason, I seem to be about the least addictive person around. Smoked for a while, could take it or leave it. Was around people who took drugs at Uni. No major problem. And I am no wowser, I like a drink.

That said, I was very careful with alcohol after I found out about my wife’s affair.

Alcoholism is terrible. For my Mum, whose drinking got out of control after my Dad’s affair, the cost has been incalculable, and the damage to others terrible. It compounds problems. My mother could hardly parent for 20 years. She has no relationship with my sister. My sister had no kids, partly from the scars.

Please accept my advice and keep drinking to a strict minimum when in emotional turmoil.

There is no problem that alcohol can't make worse.

You often don't see it at first.

I don't drink, never developed a taste for it. My FWS was a closet drinker, her alcohol use, helped fuel her affair. She drank because she was having trouble with issues in life, and her drinking caused her to have trouble with more issues in life. I had never seen my wife take more than a single drink at a time, I had never seen her drink even two glasses of wine in a single day. There was a lot more than that, hidden as she lost control of her usage. At one point and marital counseling, she confessed that she had at times drank two bottles of wine in a single day, trying to control her "nerves".

That may not sound like a lot to some people, especially someone who might know somebody who drank six or seven bottles of wine a day, or someone like an acquaintance of mine, who said he didn't drink a specific amount. He just drank everything that he could get his hands on and didn't stop until it was all gone. "I drank it all." But that is where my wife was heading, she may not have realized it, that's where her father ended up as well.

One of my cousins is dead from the same problem. I have multiple extended family members who have been arrested, fired from jobs, discharged from the military, divorced, and have innumerable other issues related to their alcohol use.

If you are under stress, and your first thought is "I need a drink", that's actually a sign that you might have a problem.

Check in with your doctor, get some good first-hand medical advice.

I used alcohol in the early days. Like OP, I wasn't much of a drinker before Dday. Socially I'd have one or two glasses of something. I didn't even keep alcohol in the house except for a stray bottle of something or other left over from a party.

I was a hot mess after Dday with soaring anxiety. I did go to my doctor and he told me to try counseling. Would not give me anything for the anxiety or the lack of sleep.

I turned to alcohol. A glass of wine instantly calmed me. But one leads to two and then three and eventually I needed 4 (a bottle) to get the same effect.

Heres the thing though: it does delay healing. I was using alcohol to numb myself. That didn't solve the pain, it just let me kick the can down the road. Also, alcohol being a depressant made my depression worse over time. Hungover and low does not a healthy person make. I personally feel like I dragged out my own healing by using booze to not feel.

A year later I was finally prescribed an anti depressant and I cut back on drinking (back to socially only) and within weeks I couldn't believe how much better I felt. Sure, the trauma was still there and I had lots to work through but I felt a little bit more capable of handling it.

No judgement from me on the use, but yeah, it delays healing.

Did you have long lasting issues because of it . Does it delay healing?

I drink about two times a month on the average. Always have.
During our temporary separation, I did not touch one drop as I was living with a functional alcoholic for a while because I saw what happens.

What I did experience were the consequences of my husband’s heavy drinking during his affair…he drank at least one bottle of wine, followed by two beers and ended on two scotches every evening. Without fail. I am not exagerating. It was a gradual increase in the amounts he drank.
I got emotional abuse, verbal abuse and some physical abuse while he was under the influence.

We are five years into reconciliation though. He went cold turkey, and went through withdrawal. It was difficult as he became more moody, nervous, defensive. Etc. Lasted two years. He still gets urges but is able to control his intake to two drinks socially.

I hope you have not reached his stage of alcohol intake.

To answer your query: nothing good comes from drinking booze like water. Nothing. Ever. I will challenge anyone who says the opposite.

Please take care of yourself. I wish you the best.

**raises hand** I definitely drank too much after DDAY. It absolutely made things worse and slowed down my healing. It ramped up my rage and anger, deepened my depression and sadness, made my sleep even worse. And who knows what it did to my liver. All the things I did or said after DDAY that I regret happened with too much alcohol. It became a toxic crutch that didn’t really help me- it didn’t help me heal and stand on my own. Eventually, thankfully, I finally realized that it did not serve me. And I cut way back. I am much happier for that now.

Often when folks show up in JFO we advise them to avoid alcohol and drugs. That advice is born from experience like mine. You need all your rational powers to get through this shit show. Sleep, healthy food and water, exercise all help this. Alcohol and drugs hinder. I get it- and I still believe that low to moderate use is fine. But you have to control it and not let it control you. We know trauma like infidelity can cause health issues (as the book The Body Keeps Score explains). It is not in our best interest to throw gasoline on that fire.

I think that you notice it is a clue that maybe you are drinking more than you are comfortable with. Try cutting back and see what happens.
Maybe it just becoming habit, not really a need. Keep a sleep diary and see if it is affecting your precious sleep. I get it — I 100% get it. And thankfully I found a $9 bottle of wine that I liked so it didn’t send me to the poorhouse, but I wish I had not done that.

I did not turn to alcohol, but I did get myself on anti-anxiety medication and an antidepressant. I had a lot of trouble eating and sleeping, so I picked one with the doctor that had hunger and drowsiness as a side effect. Worked beautifully. Remeron. I endorse it!

The anxiety medication I stopped using after a couple weeks. Most of those pills are highly addictive and I found I was having to take more and more to get the same effect. Recognized what was going on and threw them out.

Yes and it made *everything* worse, although I didn't realize it at the time.

Definitely delayed healing. Helped me rug-sweep, which led to disaster.

Alcohol is a depressant, and healing while depressed is a tall order.

My IC led me to make the changes I needed. *Everything* got better when I stopped. Never looked back.

I did not. NOT because it wasn't tempting. But I had to keep it together and be the taxi for my then teenager as well as visiting my mom in the hospital. I needed to be able to drive.

That was a blessing in disguise.