Hi diva,
I am sorry that you have had to find us. Infidelity is so difficult to deal with. And it does hurt.
I read through a number of your posts. I sincerely do not think you’re going to get any value out of a polygraph. I know a lot of people here talk about them and use them, I’m not sure it always makes sense.
It is clear that your husband has cheated, it also seems likely that he is still cheating with this person and that your husband has a drinking problem
I suggest that you do the following:
- Acknowledge that you cannot change him. You cannot make him stop cheating. You cannot make him stop drinking.
- Stop talking or approaching the AP. She is a piece of garbage and it’s not worth your time.
- Recognize that you have value. I sincerely think you need to tell him stop or we’re getting a divorce, and sayyou have two days to decide. And if he decides to stop his affair, he has a long to do list. Such as getting help with both his drinking problem, and to get his ass into a counselor. Anyone who likes the kind of attention from another woman because it is attention, will do it again, with anyone. He needs to go to a counsellor to understand why he needs this attention. This is not your problem, none of these are your problems, they are his and let him fix them. He needs to prove to you that he is a worthy husband and worthy of reconciliation. if he doesn’t follow through with your conditions, or if he cheats again, that’s a dealbreaker, and you might as well head off to divorce court.
- you need to decide if you can work through this. If he’s cheating is a dealbreaker, there’s no point in continuing the marriage.
For me, there are a number of red flags here. He seems not at all remorseful. He isn’t ready to be a good husband in my mind. He has a lot of work to do. I really think you need to do what is right for you. And that’s not easy to think through.
Please keep posting. Everyone has a different view. If you don’t like what I’ve said, no worries it is just a different perspective from a different set of experiences. I wish you the very best.