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Footinmouth (original poster member #56528) posted at 5:02 AM on Monday, January 31st, 2022
I used to enjoy reading silly Romances today for the first time since D-day I read one again and ended up crying thinking about my husband with his AP. I just want to enjoy things again.
ISurvivedSoFar ( member #56915) posted at 1:24 PM on Monday, January 31st, 2022
I'm so sorry Footinmouth. It's horrible to get triggered. Perhaps there is still unprocessed trauma in there - getting it out may give some relief. Do you see an IC?
DDay Nov '16
Me: BS, a.k.a. MommaDom, Him: WS
2 DD's: one adult, one teen,1 DS: adult
Surviving means we promise ourselves we will get to the point where we can receive love and give love again.
gainingclosure ( member #79667) posted at 1:24 PM on Monday, January 31st, 2022
I can relate. Its been 16 years since my fWW’s affair and I still cant unlink anything sexual involving her with her AP. A scene in a movie we watched last night showed a woman is in black lingerie and I know she wore black lingerie for her AP. Kept my
mouth shut and stewed silently.
I feel like telling her each and every time I have a trigger so she knows how much it impacts me. Which has been pretty much daily. As BS’s comitted to R it feels unfair to have to "keep quiet". But everyone telling me that I need to "choose to move on".
Reconciling BH. Full story is in my bio."The soul is dyed with the color of its thoughts" - Marcus Aurelius
ISurvivedSoFar ( member #56915) posted at 1:27 PM on Monday, January 31st, 2022
It is a matter of processing rather than moving on so big hugs to you gainingclosure. I hear you both though - I still cringe at memories that will flash into my mind particularly when there is intimacy involved. It stinks. I'm going to go back into therapy to remedy this part. I think it is unfair to be honest but it is what we have at this point in time. These types of memories and flashbacks are unwelcome for sure.
DDay Nov '16
Me: BS, a.k.a. MommaDom, Him: WS
2 DD's: one adult, one teen,1 DS: adult
Surviving means we promise ourselves we will get to the point where we can receive love and give love again.
Ladybugmaam ( member #69881) posted at 6:25 PM on Monday, January 31st, 2022
I can relate…though not a romance fan. Nearly 3 yrs out and I’m just starting to read for fun again….rather than self help. It feels like a big step forward to just get lost in a fiction. Hang in there.
New "lurv" portrayed in entertainment still triggers me too.
EA DD 11/2018
PA DD 2/25/19
One teen son
I am a phoenix.
CruiseControl ( new member #79784) posted at 9:36 PM on Monday, January 31st, 2022
I feel you; I’m 2 and half years in and still have flashes... Which is what I’ve been calling them... Movies, books, things she says, things she does... On good days, I may only have 1 or 2... Most days it’s several times a day... It sucks...
And this not to mention the visions I have of them together pretty much every morning when I wake up... I think I actually dream about without remembering cause it’s literally every morning... well, If you call 4 am the morning... I’ve stopped fighting it to try and sleep more at this point... I just get up and start my day...
Anyhow, as mentioned in other posts I’ve read, this is a weird/unfortunate club to be in... Parts of me feels better to see that it’s not only me... The other part is bummed out seeing it may not go away...
Anyhow, have a good evening all...
AllIam ( new member #79188) posted at 9:37 PM on Monday, January 31st, 2022
Me too! Everything is a trigger for me. EVERYTHING! Movies, commercials, crowds, restaurants, even cartoons! My husband covered his bases well, and I'm so freaking traumatized.
Vacations? Beaches? Cruises? How can we ever do that again?
I hate him for this, and all the nightmares he gave me that now visit me in my dreams.
gmc94 ( member #62810) posted at 12:20 AM on Tuesday, February 1st, 2022
Just starring year 5 (tho not in R), and still can't read on paper for fun (and often struggle at work).
Not fun at all.
The good news is that audiobooks have been a Godsend for me (and I couldn't really listen to them before dday).
I find it interesting how diverse we BS can be on this front... some folks just seem to struggle here worse than others.
Hugs!
M >25yrs/grown kids
DD1 1994 ONS prostitute
DD2 2018 exGF1 10+yrEA & 10yrPA... + exGF2 EA forever & "made out" 2017
9/18 WH hung himself- died but revived
It's rude to say "I love you" with a mouthful of lies
Chaos ( member #61031) posted at 5:42 PM on Tuesday, February 1st, 2022
I was an avid reader before DDay. Now...not so much. BUT I'm a huge new fan of audiobooks. The Libby app is great - links to your library card and you can borrow them for free!
Audiobooks have been my saving grace and a great way to spend my 45 min. commute to and from work every day.
BS-me/WH-4.5yrLTA Married 2+ decades-2 adult children. Multiple DDays w/same LAP until I told OBS 2018- Cease & Desist sent spring 2021 "Hello–My name is Chaos–You f***ed my husband-Prepare to Die!"
Thumos ( member #69668) posted at 1:45 AM on Wednesday, February 2nd, 2022
Footinmouth, hey just wanted you to know I'm (was) a voracious reader before D-Day and haven't been able to do it much since. I used to read 30-40 books a year, fiction and non-fiction. I read widely. Now my mind races and ruminates, and makes it tough to focus. However, I will tell you that the past year it has been somewhat easier for me to read. I think it will come back. Be patient. On whether you'll be able to enjoy the romance genre, maybe not. It may be a permanent change and you may have to switch to something else in order to enjoy reading again. A few thoughts.
"True character is revealed in the choices a human being makes under pressure. The greater the pressure, the deeper the revelation, the truer the choice to the character's essential nature."
BH: 50, WW: 49 Wed: Feb.'96 DDAY1: 12.20.16 DDAY2: 12.23.19
BellaLee ( member #58324) posted at 5:57 PM on Thursday, February 3rd, 2022
Hi @Footinmouth I'm so sorry to hear how you're feeling. I know from my own experience that triggers of this kind can take time to go away completely but I do want to encourage you to stay strong and not despair.
I pray the near future brings complete healing for you with no more triggers and new joyful moments and experiences.
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