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[This message edited by susie at 5:29 AM, Saturday, February 12th]

He knows. He just doesn't give a shit how it makes you feel.

Is the OW married ? if so did you expose the A ?. How did you find out about the A and what was his demeanor during and after the confrontation ?

I'll be asking him tomorrow for his reasons.

The AP told me about the affair. I'd had a strange feeling for a while that something was wrong. I asked, she told me everything. She drove over and handed over her phone. When I was shaking too badly to page through (I was taking notes to confront him) she paged through for me. She cleaned up my vomit. She put me in the bath and washed me. She called him in my presence and confronted him with his lies to her.

It's complicated. I'm seriously ill.

[This message edited by susie at 5:29 AM, Saturday, February 12th]

Your WH sounds like an inconsiderate jerk. What is your plan?

Burn the shirt. Make sure he's watching.

She called him in my presence and confronted him with his lies to her.

What lies? Had he told her some version of you already knowing, giving your consent, not caring, going to D, were roommates, never slept together, you were screwing around on him, etc., etc.?

Does he always work out of town? Is your fBF/AP out of town a lot too?

Is AP married and is it over? What does AP want if she's so honest and open? Does she want your H?

It doesn't matter what she wants, though. She stays away from your WH and your entire family.

They have to go NC and if she's married, tell her BS.

Do those two things first. They had better be NC as of yesterday. If she's married, do not warn anyone that you are going to talk to her BH. Just do it.

AP is unmarried. He told her I consented. She is a person with diminished capacity. She doesn't want him. Wh is a truck driver. AP is local.

She is a person with diminished capacity.

So in addition to being a cheat and a liar, he's human garbage for taking advantage of such a person.

While he is out of town talk to an attorney or three - many offer free consults. Find out your rights and what your life would look like if you file.

Get tested for STDs ASAP.

Take everything either one of them says with a grain of salt and large shot of tequila.

Burn the shirt while he is watching. Dance naked around it if you want to. If you haven't changed the locks already and put his shit in garbage bags on AP's front lawn.

I’m sorry for you. What a horrific thing to endure.

I would tell him not to come home until he’s proven he is going to be monogamous and honest and commit to counseling.

He kept the shirt?! Oh hell no!

That action tells you everything you need to know.

He does not care about anyone but himself.

He is a predator. If she is naive because of mental issues he could be charged. He is not worth spit. A LDTD told me there are plenty of prostitutes on the road. I guarantee this ain’t his first rodeo.

Look after yourself emotionally, financially and have every single test they can run.

I guess at this point a better question would be why you're still with your serial cheater WH after all these years, you joined SI back in 2005 and he's still been cheating on you, life's way too short and you deserve so much better than a proven serial cheater and liar.

Thank you all for your good advice and your care. My cognitive abilities are impacted by the disease process. Dying slow sucks. (Actual diagnosed disease process)(not being melodramatic).

I'm very grateful for your support. It helped me. Having lost my strength, I borrowed yours. I'm very tired and very sick but please know you made a difference in my life.

[This message edited by susie at 12:27 PM, Friday, January 21st]

[This message edited by susie at 5:28 AM, Saturday, February 12th]

susie,

Understand that I ask these questions gently and with your emotional health in mind:

You have not shared details about your physical and cognitive challenges (which is totally fine), but you say you have a disease and you are dieing slowly and that the disease has impacted your cognitive abilities.

Is there any other living situation for you at all possible that doesn't have you living with a person that is betraying your trust?

The stress of worrying what he is doing must be a detriment to your own strength as you face this disease.

Are there any family or friends that would help you? To live with them? To support and help if you lived alone? An assisted living facility? (only suggested because I don't know specifics of your situation)

Could the time you still have be spent with more peace and less stress?

You deserve more peace and less stress.

(((Hugs))) to you!

Thank goodness you recognize the things you have in life to be grateful for. I don’t know if you know enough about your future but until the day you are gone enjoy it. Every single day. If you can get to the library, or get someone to go for you, then read. You can find uplifting books, murder mysteries, comedy, anything you enjoy. If you can get out then go listen to choirs practicing even if you can’t stay for services. Just listening to voices raised in joy will make you feel better. Use every day to the best of your ability because it’s a gift. Sending you many many virtual hugs.

I do read. I always was a reader. The disease process causes inflammation in my eyes but I push hard against it

Tonight I tried to get ready for my grandson's 15th bday. I fell twice trying to get out of the shower. Gave up.

Young people, don't throw away those years. You could have happiness

[This message edited by susie at 10:40 PM, Friday, January 21st]

That shirt would have been shredded and then very neatly folded in his drawer.