So you are bottom.
There's only one way to go but up from here.
You're in good company here. All us waywards are a hot mess of imperfection. Stick with us. Hang in there. Believe it or not you are not a unicorn. You are not unique. You are not special. So many have come before you and blown up their lives. It is sadly a well worn path.
During my morning meditations I actively think about those others that have done such stupid shit. They're everywhere. Let's ask the richest man in the world how he feels about blowing up his family for a hot piece of ass. How many $$ Billions $$ would he pony up to go back two years and start over.
Focus on your kids. 50% of their DNA is from YOU. I bet in a year you can be a more active dad.
Go get a new dog.
In the three years since my A was terminated I've learned many things especially the good/ evil dichotomy. Many men spend their waking hours accomplishing great things. The other part of that crowd spend their days avoiding disaster. Hour by hour, inch by inch........think of the next thing you do......are you aspiring to reach higher with this next step or are you simply avoiding a further mess.
I give you the Two Wolves story....perhaps you have heard it:
A Cherokee elder was teaching his young grandson about life.
A fight is going on inside me, he said to the boy. It is a terrible fight and it is between two wolves. One is evil- he is anger, envy, sorrow, regret, greed, arrogance, self-pity, guilt, resentment, inferiority, lies, false pride, superiority, self-doubt and ego.
The other is good- he is joy, peace, love, hope, serenity, humility, kindness, benevolence, empathy, generosity, truth, compassion and faith.
This same fight is going on inside you—and inside every other person, too.
The boy thought about it for a minute and then asked his grandfather,
Which wolf will win?
The elder simply replied,
The one you feed.
― Tsalagi Tale
So spend today feeding your good wolf.
[This message edited by Lucky77 at 7:41 AM, November 13th (Friday)]