SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

I really resonate here! Maybe not healthy but it’s understandable that’s where we go… I certainly did not want the AP to ‘win’ and take my life that I had built. I know she wanted it as she had said to my partner multiple times about wanting to be with him and when’s he going to break up with me.

I guess the jokes on me though as she did win overall because she’s had her time away from the situation to heal and no doubt move on with her life while I’m still tormented.

It’s the fear of making the wrong decision that paralyses me - although I’m sure no one ever regretted leaving a cheater.

I guess I’m still in denial over the reality of our situation and that he was capable of this. Everyone who know us and him knows he’s the last person they’d have expected capable. Never underestimate someone is what I’ve learnt!!

I just want my handheld and someone to tell me how to move forward, how to go all in with him again, if that’s even possible. Or for someone to give me a slap to snap out of it tell me to leave.

I’m just scared of everything right now.
Scared of being alone
Scared of the unknown
Scared of never finding someone who won’t hurt me
Scared I’ll never have a family
Scared of staying stuck in these emotions forever
Scared of feeling all the emotions

Sorry I’ll try to stop whining and being so negative.

Appreciate everyone’s comments and virtual hugs!

There’s a post pinned to the top of the S/D forum about fear vs reality. It’s worth a read.
We all had the fear. And we all survived, and eventually got to thriving.

And contemplate- what if this is as good as it gets with him? Is that good enough for you?
Do you feel alone now? I think you might, actually.

One thing I realized was that I thought my XWS and I were a team, that I was part of a partnership. I was wrong. He never had my back and was disrespectful though his cheating. maybe i wasn’t alone physically, ,but I was alone in the ways that really count.

Good luck-