DobleTraicion, I can't thank you enough for your reply! I did look back at your post you referenced and am absolutely shocked at how many of the bullet points you identified are directly applicable to what I've done throughout. Things I still hadn't thought of as maladaptive suddenly are clearly problems that have prolonged absolutely every aspect of this pain. I needed that reality check, and I needed it desperately!
Glad you found it helpful. It was a cathartic exercise for me. The contributions of other posters on that thread were invaluable also and spurred quite a few additional thoughts.
I hope that for you, the recitation of these behaviors also brought thoughts of a future course of action. The oft posted mantra of this place is to "get yourself out of infidelity" (emphasis mine on "get out"). Since your ww will not join you in exiting infidelity, its left to you to vacate the existance so toxic to your soul. I encourage you to continue with individual therapy to root out some of the underlying FoO issues that may be contributing to counterproductive attitudes/thoughts/behaviors. I did a lot of work in therapy and it helped me ID these behaviors and their root causes.
As I said before, its time to get serious about ending the marriage legally. Its past time for action imo.
A journey of a thousand miles begins with.....
[This message edited by DobleTraicion at 1:43 PM, Tuesday, September 3rd]
