In one sentence you claim you won’t pull punches.
In another you jab and feint…
Yes – send a NC letter to her. Only – keep in mind what a NC letter is and it’s purpose. I will get into that later, but first I will point out what it isn’t:
It’s NOT a feint or a jab to make OW keep away from your husband. You don’t "hope" or "wish" that her husband asks why she’s signing for a letter. She can minimize, hide, dismiss… whatever… and her husband is none the wiser.
What you do is be secure in the info you have. Did they meet? Did they have sex? What you have shared with us isn’t clear on that – it’s implied but not stated. You mention "sexy" chats… sexy or sexual? Flirtatious or sexual?
Based on what you KNOW you contact the OW husband and you tell him – and base this on what you KNOW. Remember you don’t have to prove anything, nor give him any proof or names or anything of that nature. Keep in mind that learning your wife is sexting with someone can be just as impactful to him as learning she’s having sex in some dinky motel.
"Is this OWH? Is your wife OW? I am sorry to have to tell you this but think you need to know. Your wife and my husband have been…. [put what you know here]. My husband has confessed and claims to have ended their relationship. I believe you need to know. My husband is sending your wife a No Contact letter, and I request that the two of you stay away from me and my husband. If you want to discuss detail or need more info I will call you again in three days and it’s your choice to answer or not."
Then the NC letter…
It’s actually a statement from the WS that they want the affair over. There is no way you can force the OW to respect it, so in that aspect it’s hardly worth the envelope.
It has to be very unemotional:
OW – I want to notify you that I will not be in any form of contact with you. I request that you respect this and do not attempt to contact me in any way or form. Any attempt to do so will be shared with my wife and can lead to legal action.
That’s it. No we were wrong, no alas but no or whatever. It’s just stay away.
"If, therefore, any be unhappy, let him remember that he is unhappy by reason of himself alone." Epictetus
