SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

Along my journey of seeking to understand I have been facing the differences between empathy and genuinely understanding the impacts of these experiences.

For years before DDay, I was empathetic when I heard about betrayed spouses and their journeys. I felt sad and wished they didn’t have to face this journey.
But I didn’t understand. Not really.

When I discovered this was also my path, I was shattered and I understood.

I finally understood.

Having experienced the profound loss of my little sister this past June, I understand the loss of a loved one that I never understood before. It is profound and heartbreaking in a way I could not have imagined.

I finally understand the sadness behind all of the empathy I have felt for those around me who have experienced such loss.

For many years now I have felt comfort on SI because I know each of you understand. I read it in your posts on the BS and WS sides. Everyone here is brought together by this understanding.

We understand what it feels like to experience the loss of our intimate relationship. Many of us lost ourselves and are rebuilding with the help of the strength and hope shared by the brave SI members who post their journeys.

I continue to learn from you all every day. Thank you for sharing your stories.

I too post and interact here because of the understanding. When a loved one passes it's finalized, you do at least get some form of closure and can move on. But living through infidelity is a pain that just seems to continue until "that moment?" Arrives. Still waiting for the moment, but it is so comforting knowing I can talk about what I'm feeling and feel understood.

Years prior to Dday I didn't think cheating was that bad, I never did it, but I was around it at the office and had knowledge of it with some friends. I am actually ashamed of how I treated it in my circle. When infidelity hit me personally I couldn't get enough of SI, I would read every thread 4-5 pages deep. I was amazed how people knew exactly what I was going through, and how predictable my WW's behavior was. I have been hooked ever since, I have not missed a day in over 4 years and although I about as healed as I think I can get, I just can't leave a place that understands what I've been through.

It occurred to me recently that my fWW will never fully understand what I've been through, because she has never been betrayed, she can be remorseful and still not fully understand. She still has that blissful innocent feeling for our M that none of us betrayed will ever get back.

So true. I witnessed two cases of infidelity before my own, and both times, I dropped a friend who was involved in an affair. In one case, I knew the BS, and I felt so bad for her, but I had no idea of the depth of pain. I don't know of anyone else who has tried to reconcile, but people often keep affairs quiet in those situations (myself included), so I'm sure I know people in the same situation as me, I just don't know who they are. I'm so grateful for online spaces to have others who understand what I'm going through.