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Ugh, sorry I am posting questions twice. I know someone who inflates their loved one’s illness. They say it is worse than it is. They also claim to be their caregiver, when in fact they are not, and when they are with the person they arent very nice to them!

Is this munchausen by proxy? They are not making their loved one sick, they are just gaslighting and saying aw.. They are sooooo sick. When they really are not as bad off as the gaslighter says.

No Munchausen by proxy is much worse, they actually will take steps to make sure their person is sick, and stays sick, and gets sicker and sicker. I have seen it a few times in my career and it is wild.

This situation is just attention seeking behaviors. Usually motivated by money, or ego kibbles that make them into the hero, or good person for taking care of them.

Hey TushNurse! Have you seen the one Im describing? I guess you must have seen it a lot. I have seen it twice so far in my non-medical person life.

Absolutely see it often, it usually creates drama in families, I recently had a pair of sisters that both were attempting to manage their mother, and no matter who I called I was always told to call the other one.
Often it has more to do w/ getting into funds of the parent sibling, or home of said pt. Lots of times the one doing the real caregiving is aware of the issue, but choose to make sure their loved one is well cared for. The other issue that arises often in these situations is the kids have different views on what end of life should be, there is conflict where one is ready to allow a terminally ill pt to pass and make sure quality of life is addressed whereas the other wants full on full tilt, balls to the wall, do everything you can to make them live care, which usually results in torture to the loved one.

Factitious disorder (new name for Munchasuens & proxy version) does not always mean making them sick but knowingly lying about the condition is the key part of the disorder, so sounds like it could be on the spectrum of it, although there may be other benefits accruing that account for the behaviour in this particular case. Is it making the sick person more dependent on the ‘caregiver’? Might be a control matter or wanting admiration of others for caregiving rather than the medical attention seeking in factitious disorder. Might also be dodging other responsibilities like work through it.

[This message edited by Edie at 6:10 PM, Monday, March 13th]

Edie:

YES!!! This person retired at 59 to "take care" of their parent. They live rent free with parent, talk about how hard it is, etc. All the while, the “caregiver” only does telehealth appointments on her cell phone that the parent is not allowed to hold. The “caregiver” sits right next to parent and holds the cell phone. No other medical appts (no dentist, etc). Parent doesnt drive and caregiver doesn’t drive them places. MAYBE go thru a drive thru once a week- MAYBE. Caregiver enjoys computer social media and watching movies in their bedroom all day

They do not buy food for parent, they buy junk they like. Parent lost about 15 lbs through eating just soup and sandwiches. The "caregiver" complains on social media about how its hell to care for their parent, how they are final stages of alzheimers, etc.

They complained about parent taking a trip they’d planned for years… tried to get them to not go. list goes on…

I feel it is a gaslighting situation. The parent has not been to their home in a year because the adult child makes excuses, or now, because there are lawyers involved and tge situation is tense, and the adult child refuses to leave so the parent can come home for a visit … visit THEIR home.

[This message edited by Gottagetthrough at 9:48 PM, Saturday, March 18th]