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Off Topic :
Something positive šŸ‘šŸ‘šŸ‘

Topic is Sleeping.
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 WhatsRight (original poster member #35417) posted at 1:21 PM on Tuesday, January 31st, 2023

I feel like so many times I post here when things are bad. So I wanted to share a "good day" I had yesterday.

A little bit of background is that my oldest son, age 30, is presently unemployed, and next week will be going to county jail for 45 days due to a second DUI. My middle child, 27, has bad issues regarding addiction some concerning psychological issues. He has a good job now, one that he likes, and heā€™s doing well with it. He is cutting out all heavy drugs, and trying to cut down on his alcohol. He is quite antisocial with us at home. He really really doesnā€™t like me. He adores his father, but since his dad is in the bed 24 seven, they donā€™t have a great deal of interaction. My baby, 26, is incarcerated, awaiting sentencing for a federal offense.j

Anyway, thatā€™s not the good newsā€¦ Thankfully!

My middle son has been sleeping on my couch for at least a couple of years. (He wasnā€™t allowed to live at the house until he cleaned up his act with drugs and heavy drinking ) He and I are constantly having words about his things scattered all over my living room. I remind him that "This is the living room" and his response is, "This is my bedroom". šŸ¤Ø

Anyway, the reason he has been on the couch is because we have only 3 bedrooms, and H & I have one, and oldest son has another. The third bedroom is a little sitting, reading room - mostly for me. I have decided to give it to him as his bedroom. So for his birthday we promised him a tv for that room. I have been pushing him to get an extra bed at our house put into that room and get it fixed up as his bedroom. I have moved out some of the furniture, and I have taken out all of my "clutter" from in there. But he just canā€™t get motivated.

Yesterday my oldest, who just months ago had a physical fight with the middle son, was shopping with my sisterā€¦helping her with heavy dog food bags, etc.

Now this is where the good part startsā€¦ He calls me and tells me that he has found a TV that he thinks my middle son would really like. I said I wanted him to pick it out himself, but he really made an argument for surprising him with it. So he brought it home with him. Then he insisted on setting it up in the room. This room was a total mess, but after I cleaned it out it only has my sons things in it. But itā€™s still a bit of a mess. But after he set up the TV and programmed it, then he told me that we should move all of my sons things to one side so that there would be room to set up the bed for him. He wanted to surprise him. He told me that he was concerned (as we all have been) with my sons antisocial behavior, sitting in his truck playing games on his phone most nights, and that he thought it could motivate him to get his bedroom set up if we got the tv and bed set up. So we did. When my son got home from work, he was totally surprised. He didnā€™t act all that excited, but he stayed out of his truck and in his bedroom all evening. They had a friend over and the three of them sat in his room and watched some TV and my middle son actually did a little work in getting his room set up like he wants it. To watch them transform from literally hating each other only months ago, to my oldest son stepping up to help him out was just inspirational.

Then ADDITION, my oldest son has begun to drink some kind of non-alcoholic Budweiser beer. If Iā€™m not supposed to use that name, I apologize. Anyway, he noticed that my son, a couple of nights ago, was drinking his little "cocktail in a can" drinks in his truck. So he told him he ought to try some of this new beer. My middle son gladly accepted, and then they had a conversation about how it was non-alcoholic. My son was telling me last night that his brother said to him that he didnā€™t really like getting/being drunk. He just really liked the taste of it. Plus he just liked the feeling of doing the honest days work, coming home, and popping open a beer. So he has gotten him to start drinking these nonalcoholic beers. My eldest son came in last night and said, "Mom, Iā€™m just hoping that this can encourage him to stop drinking". Iā€™m getting chills just typing this. (I get it that he should probably not substitute a non-alcoholic "beer" for the real thing. That the idea is to divorce yourself from the thought of it at all, but hopefully this can be a first step.)

Then, as if that wasnā€™t fabulous enough, yesterday I found out that my youngest son has pretty much decided on a plea deal in his case, and it seems to be positive. We are cautiously optimistic that he could be home by his birthday NEXT year (2024). He seems to be in good spirits about it. Also, this means that whenever sentencing occurs, and he is transferred to whatever prison he will be serving his sentence, he gets to have in person visits. That means that my husband and I will get to see him, which is so fantastic considering I have been worried about some thing happening to my husband before my son gets out of jail. But even more importantly, he will be able to see his lady and his son in person. ā¤ļøā¤ļøā¤ļø

So sorry for the long post, but I was just feeling so blessed yesterday, and I had to share! šŸ˜ŠšŸ˜ŠšŸ˜Š

On the other hand, last night I had my first dream about my father since his death. I have been waiting and waiting and waiting now 16 years to have a dream about him. So it finally happened. But instead of a sweet dream with him telling me that he loved me, or just doing something fun together, we were sitting on bleachers, and he looked at me and said, "You know, your mother has lung cancer."

Ok, A,
"Why havenā€™t you come to me in my dreams before this?"

2,
"Why couldnā€™t this have been a fun, loving, dream?"

And, C, by the wayā€¦
"My mother is dead!"

šŸ˜³šŸ˜³šŸ˜³

Sorry for the long long long post.

Yā€™all have a GREAT day!

"Noone can make you feel inferior without your concent." Eleanor Roosevelt

I will not be vanquished. Rose Kennedy

posts: 8234   Ā·   registered: Apr. 23rd, 2012   Ā·   location: Southeast USA
id 8775494
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josiep ( member #58593) posted at 2:06 PM on Tuesday, January 31st, 2023

I'm absolutely thrilled for you. I remember telling you one time, when you were questioning your parenting skills, that you'd given your boys all tools they needed and if and when they got their act(s) together, they'd be fine. I'm so glad you're getting to see the positive part of that. Of course, it might not be permanent but seeing it in action helps us know, deep in our hearts, that our hard work, our example setting, our teaching, etc. was sinking in. And I was especially glad to read this from you today because I'm on a down part of my "motherly confidence scale" right now and needed the reminder that it's OK for me to keep the hope alive. That sounds more melodramatic than I want it to but that's just cuz I'm not good with finding the right words when I try to explain things.

Anyway, I'm really, really happy to read every single word you wrote!

[This message edited by josiep at 2:08 PM, Tuesday, January 31st]

BW, was 67; now 74; M 45 yrs., T 49 yrs.DDay#1, 1982; DDay#2, May, 2017. D July, 2017

posts: 3240   Ā·   registered: May. 5th, 2017
id 8775503
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BearlyBreathing ( member #55075) posted at 4:34 PM on Tuesday, January 31st, 2023

Wonderful update!

Me: BS 57 (49 on d-day)Him: *who cares ;-) *. D-Day 8/15/2016 LTA. Kinda liking my new life :-)

**horrible typist, lots of edits to correct. :-/ **

posts: 6215   Ā·   registered: Sep. 10th, 2016   Ā·   location: Northern CA
id 8775522
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Jeaniegirl ( member #6370) posted at 4:46 PM on Tuesday, January 31st, 2023

Whatsright, this is all great news! I'm happy for you.

As for your incarcerated son, bravo! A plea deal should also enable him to take advantage of even more programs and get skills - and the goal is for him not to reoffend. I've been encouraged as of late about new programs to help prisoners and their families. It seemed we had went backwards about that so it's nice to see some changes.

You hang in there (and I know you will!)

And Happy New Year!

"Because I deserve better"

posts: 3731   Ā·   registered: Feb. 1st, 2005
id 8775526
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zebra25 ( member #29431) posted at 5:16 PM on Tuesday, January 31st, 2023

So happy for you!!!

"Don't let anyone who hasn't been in your shoes tell you how to tie your laces."

D-day April 2010

posts: 3680   Ā·   registered: Aug. 25th, 2010
id 8775534
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 WhatsRight (original poster member #35417) posted at 6:31 PM on Tuesday, January 31st, 2023

josiepā€¦

Thanks, and I donā€™t think it is melodramatic at all. When it comes to our kids, and especially when that question creeps in from time to time about whether we are doing our best and/or getting the job doneā€¦NOTHING matters more. Sorry you are having some "downtime" in that regard. But Iā€™m sure you know that whenever you see a little ray of sunshine breaking through, like I did yesterday, it makes it all worthwhile. ā¤ļø

Jeaniegirlā€¦

Thx. I think of you every time I hear something from his lawyer, or some thing from my son when he tells me what might be happening. She will be calling me this afternoon to explain the plea deal. If itā€™s OK with you, I will let you know what she says and get your impressions. Itā€™s always so great to hear from you about anything, but most definitely about this type of situation. Thanks again for checking in.

Thanks to all of you for your support!!!

[This message edited by WhatsRight at 6:31 PM, Tuesday, January 31st]

"Noone can make you feel inferior without your concent." Eleanor Roosevelt

I will not be vanquished. Rose Kennedy

posts: 8234   Ā·   registered: Apr. 23rd, 2012   Ā·   location: Southeast USA
id 8775553
Topic is Sleeping.
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