SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

Seakinglight, I am so sorry you find yourself in this position.

You are doing exactly what you need to be doing. You are gathering information until the time you need to confront him. It's exhausting, but it won't last forever. This is just to take a snapshot of what's going on right now.

Are you able to get her name or marital status? Once you have a name, it should be easier to get an overall idea of what's going on.

Thanks Ariopolis for the encouragement.

Are you able to get her name or marital status?

She appears to be single, in her 30’s, with no kids from what I can tell from her Facebook profile.
My therapist encouraged me to focus on myself and my wellbeing as always and I agreed that I am very much compartmentalizing what’s going on.
He hasn’t responded to her last message from Tuesday. I’m going to show up unexpectedly next week at league so we’ll see how that goes.

Seakinglight, if you still read here, just wondering how you are. Hope things are better.

Seakinglight, I am SO sorry your right back with the questioning and this situation. It's remarkable how much we as BS's learn how to navigate the investigations the second time around. You are smarter and wiser this time, kuddos.

All good advice here so far, I'll add, watch for the hidden apps for messaging, my WH was recently using an app called Duo that keeps things from showing on our cell bill. There's a lot of these apps available to cheaters these days.

I might think you could do a search on icloud, itunes or google play for these.

Good luck on the tournament show up--I'm sure you'll be able to gauge his reaction and it will reap some serious insights.

Apologies for the delay in posting an update. My sitter canceled on me the night I was going to show up to league. Since then they have exchanged a few messages in FB messenger but nothing inappropriate. I realize something may have happened at the tournament the other month or they could be using another way to communicate, but it doesn’t seem like there is anything going on. Why would they use messenger randomly unless it’s to intentionally be deceptive? I think my next step is to ask him about her. Something very high level, "I noticed so and so liked this picture you posted, who is she?" and see what he says. I think this may be a safer route than exposing that I know about the Facebook Messages.

We had a great family vacation and I’ve checked his text messages a few times and haven’t seen anything. As some of you have said, he shouldn’t be messaging with other women without telling me and I think it will be helpful to discuss the expectations that I have for him on social media/texting.

I don’t want to be in surveillance mode for the rest of my life, but I feel like my 6th sense has seemingly stopped screaming at me. I’m willing to be patient for a few more weeks depending on how he responds to the "who is she" question before having a very direct confrontation.