SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

Hey everyone, I haven’t posted in a long time. I’ve been checking in here and there but no posting. Mostly because things have been quiet here. I’m engaged and my kids and I are happy. The ex is supposed to have the kids every Friday night but has only had them a handful of times since the New Year.

Until yesterday.

When he finally came to pick them up because it was my son’s birthday. When he got here my fiancé and I were outside doing some odd jobs and for some reason he got his pantries all in a bunch and decided since my fiancé’s truck was in the driveway he would just park in the front yard. Um....what?! Now I know you’re wondering, but no there was plenty of room for him to stay in the driveway and not drive in the yard. Now my fiancé is a very friendly guy and went over and said hi and chatted for a bit and then said “Can you do me a favor and not park in the grass?” Seeing as how the ex and I own the house together this has apparently set him off because “as long as my name is on it I will park and drive where I want”

I honestly don’t understand the thought process here.

So now he is petitioning my two teenage sons to start texting him whenever they want to go to his house and he will make it happen. Up until now his visitation has been sporadic (the only time he was consistent was the months leading up to court) and he lies to them all the time. We have never let them pick where they go I just told them you stay here Saturday through Thursday and that was the end of it. I’m honestly enraged. Did he just get mad about being nicely asked to not park in the yard and decide to start playing with my kids heads?!?! What a jerk.

I’m venting. It’s like every time I think things are all settled he has to go and start something up again.

Well--- every so often some of us get a nice clear reminder how wonderful it is we are divorced from them! It looks like you just got your booster. Very low budget/immature of him parking on your lawn, geeze!

As far as leading the kids on, you can calmly remind them that there is a legal agreement that you both have to follow, so their dad is mistaken, sorry.

Glad everything else is good.

IMHO, you should have been the one to tell him to get off the yard. Does your fiancé lives there? Obviously he contributes to the upkeep of the house...but it is not his. Given the situation, no matter how polite the ask was, a pissing contest ensued from your ex...which ramped up to include your boys.

Unless my name was on the mortgage...I would expect my partner to handle the ex. And especially because the ex’s name is still there, I hope you are able to resolve that soon for piece of mind.

And I agree, just reiterate the agreement at this point. As teenagers they will want to have a say in visitation soon I would think, but history also says the ex is not reliable in keeping his parenting time.

Good luck. ☮️

Now's a good time to install a fence and don't forget the security camera for when he drives through it

You've been heard <3

Same kind of shit happens over here. We've been apart 7years now, he is sporadic with his relationship with the children, and he lies all the time. I have 100% custody of the children (now 14yrs and 17yrs old) and gave gotten very little support over the years.

Mine are now teenagers and have the choice to see him or not. Like you, I'm the stable parent and my ex has done this to himself through his actions (or lack of action).

Hugs.

Did he just get mad about being nicely asked to not park in the yard and decide to start playing with my kids heads?!?!

It seems that way Can't stand assholes who use kids as pawns.

I don't know your timeline, but I am hoping you can change the house co-ownership thing soon. It's not great to be entangled with this sort of person in that sort of way.

I would reiterate to your kids what you always told them and say you don't know why their dad would be departing from the agreement, but that your understanding is that they will be there Sat through Thurs. Exceptions considered for special occasions or events but they would be one-time only. They can text their Dad to come get them next time he doesn't show up for visitation. Unfortunately, kids also sometimes need a reminder about the unreliability of an unreliable parent, and sadly I doubt it will be long before they get their reminder in the form of a no-show. Your job is to be stable and consistent.

[This message edited by annanew at 3:12 PM, May 24th (Monday)]

Thank you all so much, sometimes you just need to vent. He took it another step last night and texted my 11 year old the same stuff about how any time you want me to come get you I will and then started saying that since I let them go to friend's houses I should be fine with them going over there. Still not a word to me about it though.

As far as leading the kids on, you can calmly remind them that there is a legal agreement that you both have to follow, so their dad is mistaken, sorry.

Anna123, This is great advice, thank you. They know that there is an agreement in place and that would be a good way to remind them.

IMHO, you should have been the one to tell him to get off the yard. Does your fiancé lives there? Obviously he contributes to the upkeep of the house...but it is not his. Given the situation, no matter how polite the ask was, a pissing contest ensued from your ex...which ramped up to include your boys.

AnnieOakley, yes I agree actually. It just kind of happened so quickly and my fiancé apologized later. He said he figured since he was being so nice and polite it would not be a big deal. He didn't see that coming, but will know for next time!

BoneTired, I like the way you think!

In all honesty though I have considered getting cameras, can't hurt. Just something I haven't gotten around to.

Can't stand assholes who use kids as pawns.

YES. 100% agree. It is a whole other level of awfulness. Absolutely despicable.

I am in a weird limbo with the house, he wants me to buy him out but wants more money than I want to pay. I would rather just buy it but I am hoping to maybe wait him out until he really needs the money and is more flexible on the price or until I get married (no date set) and just sell it outright.

🤔 Sounds like to me he feels threatened by your fiancee. Not in the typical'He could beat his ass sort of way but in a way he knows he's being replaced.' He definitely doesn't understand he did this to himself and there fore it's his fault. Don't suppose he deflects much? I don't know your back story yet I read him like an open diary left in my room to see. I remember when my now husband and I became engaged.His son was engaged as well. I went to his fiance's engagement party and met my now husband's ex wife who cheated on him throughout their marriage and ended up giving him an STD because of it. I was polite and tried to introduce myself and swear on all that is holy the woman bristled. Never saw it outside of the novels I read until that day. From what I understood she wanted to stay married and keep up the hoax collecting his paychecks every pay period.I suspect your fiancee has done nothing wrong besides challenging your exes manhood and now he wants to take it back with a vengeance. Tell me something was your ex a cake eater? Just curious if he thought the world owed him everything. I would encourage your fiancee to continue to be innocent and polite.It's killing your ex inside. If anything he should feel flattered he is such a threat to his manhood. Oh and yes put up a fence and a security camera even if it's for pure entertainment at your exes expense.

Soconfusing- You know what else is probably happening is that your XH probably is not in a relationship right now. All that free extra time and he finally decides that he should spend some of it with his kids. That's probably all it is. It too shall pass. He will find a new girl toy at some point, and your poor sons are going to have to see that their shit dad will disappear on them again.

If you're going to talk to your boys, I'd tell them the truth. NOt only about the court schedule, but warn them that Dad may be around right now, but there is also a chance it will revert back to his less than stable visiting schedule so that they are prepared for when asshat bounces on them again. Protect them and their hearts, they are still young. Once he picks up a new girlfriend, you boys will undoubted experience his absence again.