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Last night my youngest lost her last tooth. This means that I won't get to be the tooth fairy anymore - ever. For whatever reason, this was one of those milestones that hit me hard.

What made it worse was that there was no one to just be sad with me. It was one of those stupid times where I really would have appreciated being married and having xomoent to share a little parenting thing with.

It feels so dumb even writing this. I've been parenting alone for 11 years now and I honestly enjoy doing it by myself - but for some reason tooth fairy thing hit me hard last night. So weird what little things can trigger you even when you're so far along...

Thisisterrible. Going to argue with you: Nope nope nope - you don't get to say it's dumb.

The things that make us sad and lament the way we thought our life was going to unfold just hit us - sometimes with no rhyme or reason. For me, I seem to get puny over landmark "happy-ish" moments when they arrive.

Markers in time we were supposed to be recognizing and sharing together. Often they are random and not particularly "life shattering." They're actually kind of quiet which makes it worse because I realized he wouldn't have known how to be present for those either.

You have been heard. It's stupid because he's missing out on having built those moments with you.

But man - last tooth - how fast they grow!

[This message edited by Chili at 11:47 AM, March 10th (Wednesday)]

I had that same thing hit me when my youngest no longer believed in Santa :(

I've been single parenting for 7yrs now.

It's not a dumb thing to feel. It's a natural feeling and I'm here to feel sad about it with you <3

Nope nope nope - you don't get to say it's dumb.

I agree with this. In fact, I'll go a step further and describe your experience as healthy.

Until recently, I have allowed myself to mourn the end of my marriage only twice.

The first time was about 2-4 weeks after our final decision to get divorce had been made (so, September/October 2018?). I was doing some sort of odd chore and I just broke down crying, repeating to myself that "I didn't deserve this."

The second was the following summer (June 2019?) when I was again outside doing some sort of odd chore. I had had a GREAT day, the previous day with my kids (it was my parenting weekend). I mean, absolutely great. It was a beautiful Sunday morning and I was doing this chore and my kids were inside watching TV or sleeping. And it was just glorious. And, then, I realized that I had no one to share that moment and I broke down crying again.

That's been about it, until recently. And... let me tell you... my way is NOT HEALTHY.... so you keep being you. You're doing it the right way.

Thisisterrible, I have had a lot of those moments: my youngest was only two when his dad left. Like you I have been mum and dad for many years, yet it hits me hard whenever I can’t share the little victories - a good school report, an act of kindness, a funny silly joke. Sometimes I am just about to send that text and then I catch myself and think, what’s the point.

But then I realise that those moments, I have made them possible for them. It hasn’t always been easy but I can look at the smile on their face and think: that’s on me. Look at your children and feel that pride too. You have done a fantastic job and tooth fairy or not, you are nothing short of a superhero

I'm the same way. I have troubles through all the milestones and they grow up so fast. My daughter is turning 18 this year and graduating high school, I'll probably be bawling.

It's tough doing it alone. I get super sad some days and just wish I had someone to stand shoulder to shoulder with me. The reason you feel sad may be because you are so connected to your kids. And that's a great thing.

Those moments hit hard. Its a good thing i dont know much about teeth and will have no idea which is the last one I am still “married” and have many of thise moments alone, proud of my growing babies, but a little weepy because they grow up so fast. It stinks having to be weepy and proud alone. My husband is not present, could not care less, and doesnt even know the kids’ birthdays.

[This message edited by Gottagetthrough at 8:43 PM, March 10th (Wednesday)]

Same here! Single parenting for nearly 12 years and I still get sad and angry that I’m raising our DD on my own.

I wanted parenthood to be something I shared with her father. It’s the total opposite - never having someone to share the joys with, never having someone to worry about DD with you, never having someone to bounce my doubts off of. It’s so god damn lonely sometimes.

The one person who should be there at every milestone, every birthday, every school event, every breakup with a boyfriend, every fight with a friend, is completely and totally absent. It’s a total mindfuck for me that I have zero relationship with my DD’s father.

I hear you thisisterrible. The waves come and they go.

Could be worse, yeah. Am in final stages of divorce (30m year marriage) Still have a 15 year old at home, she's been in my care for the past 5 years (ever since the STBXW walked out). STBXW called me yesterday, questioning me over "visitation" and pretty much asking me to NOT agree to 50/50 (she DIDN'T want to have visitation!). Ove the past year she's seen our daughter THREE times. THREE! She's more worried about child support (she makes 2X what I do) than visitation (she CLAIMS she can't afford support)!

Nope you are not alone. Your experience is so relatable. Most days being a single parent is easier than with XWH. He is so bad at parenting - he goes from trying to be their friend to being a dictator. That doesn't work too well as he lives five states away. My kids are college and high school age - they don't appreciate him coming to visit and parenting by fiat. Then out of the blue I'll have a moment like the one you described and I'm sad all over again. The best thing that works for me is to remember that I'm pining for the co-parent I wish I had - not the one I do.