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Same for me, needfriendshere. She started the ILYBINILWY speech the day after my 40th birthday on Oct. 21st. We were in our first MC session last year. The counselor told me it was the cruelest thing she'd ever seen. My wife told me on Thanksgiving morning, that she felt like I had raped her. To me, not having any idea she was cheating at the time, this was just truly so painful. I have never laid a hand on my wife or anyone else. I will discipline my kids when necessary, but that's it for me. That cut me to the core. I had forgotten about that until the mention of triggers for the holidays.

Who was my wife for those 10 months? How does someone let the Devil seep in like that and be so oblivious to the pain they are causing?

[This message edited by Wool94 at 12:04 AM, November 18th (Friday)]

Wool94,

I just noticed your question on what Christian music we enjoy. During the day, I put Pandora on the Chris Tomlin station. They play great songs like Oceans, by Hillsong United, Good Good Father, Amazing Grace (My Chains are Broken) and much more.

But at night, on my IPhone, I put my earphones on and listen to a playlist I've made. It has the songs I mentioned above as well as Broken Together, Blessings by Laura Story, The Old Rugged Cross by Craig Wayne Boyd, You're Beautiful by Phil Wickman, Revelation Song, and for laughs - In The Belly of the Whale by the Newsboys.

Several of my favorites were recommended by people I've met on this site. Hope you find the ones that bring you the peace you desire.

Needfriendshere, I love all of those songs. In the belly of the whale - haven't heard that one in years. Broken together truly hit home during the mess we went through. My EX-SIL lost a baby last year. She had oceans played at the funeral. Very tough. Thank you! I try to stay away from country or most other forms of music now. But I've been that way for 16 years. Seen Casting Crowns, Mercy Me, Jamie Grace, Mathew West, Red, Selah, TobyMac, Newsong, Todd Agnew, MercyMe, Citizens Way... I'm sure there is more, but I believe that what goes into your system has to come out in some way. What's the old phrase? G.I.G.O. garbage in, garbage out.

Special prayers for those of you who have specific triggers associated with this holiday season and prayers for those who have that sadness and sense of loss around the normally family oriented special occassions.

Thanksgiving in Canada is in October. My youngest daughter got married on the Saturday this past Thanksgiving weekend. Cause for happiness and a joyous occassion tainted by activities of WW on previous Thanksgivings.

I got the ILYBINILWY and "I don't love you and I don't think I ever did" and "I need my own place to figure out if I still love you" speeches. They worked because they floored me - put me totally off balance and in the save my marriage of 25 plus year marriage mode. I didn't know what it meant. My Christian WW swore before God she wasn't cheating. And she did all sorts of uncharacteristic things like crowding me with an angry, glaring face and shaking her finger in my face saying "you'll be sorry". I didn't know what I was going to be sorry about.

I asked her to go to a therapist because something was very wrong. She did. After a number of visits she asked if I would go to the therapist and I did. We had a nice, pleasant, fruitful session. Then she asked if we could do a joint session and we did. The therapist ripped me to shreds. I was an abusive monster. I asked to many questions about her activities. I was controlling. I eventually admitted I was abusive - an admission still in effect today. The reality is that I have been abused by her. WW went from kissing and hugging to full bore, frequent sex with her AP.

But I saved our marriage and she had frequent sex with her COW AP all over the province, on the side of roads, in his machine shed, in one of our pastures, on a viewing platform in a bird sanctuary, at his place 5 minutes from work for nooners and quickies after work, in my basement office at home, etc. for 3 more years. She was justified.

We moved to the location where we are currently ranching and she dropped him like a hobby she tired of. She served on a Joint Needs Assessment Committee of 4 congregations for our congregation and on a minister selection committee and was a memeber of Session.

On September 1, 2013, 7 years after they quit having sex I found out. We are now married 39 years. We won't be celebrating a 40th. Separation and divorce is the next step (because I didn't kick her out immediately when adultery was discovered the laws of my province say I condoned the adultery).

I'm sorry for this long discourse. I needed to unload a little, I guess. The question, Wool94, about who was your wife or my wife struck a chord in me. Because I don't know. I do believe my WW was under the influence of Satan, that she was a target to reclaim a servant who was turning to God. As it turned out my WW cheated on me with 4 different men before we married - three while engaged and one just before. I find out now that she had sex with around 25 boys/men while 17 and 18. Some ONS, some a couple of times and some more often. My WW had never been to a church service before me. She became a Christian a while before she started committing adultery. I believe Satan escalated his attack because he was losing a servant. Blakesteele expounds on this very well.

Who was our wives? Satan looks for any weakness, and exposed opportunity for attack. How do they allow Satan in? I believe thay don't even know it. I believe Satan uses the long game. A little here. A little there. A slippery slope. Give it time to fester. Nourish. Investment produces rotten fruit.

Divorce is in my cards. I ask for your prayers and continued prayers readers of Support Through Prayer. I especially ask for prayers for my WW. I need your prayers but I think she needs them more.

Steadychevy, I just said my first prayer for you and her. It won't be my last. I'm with you. I watched my wife start down the slope and couldn't stop her. She started drinking with these friends who were always drunk. She wouldn't listen to me when I begged her to stop. I had never drank, with the exception of a wine tasting we went to when she first turned 21, 14 years ago. She got farther and father away, until only God could step in. I'm so sorry you are going through this. I know God is making us into his image, but, wow it hurts.

I am having a mass in my backyard today...I will remember you and your family ...

I am sorry for your continued pain and pray for your peace of mind...you will get through this

Peace

Thank you hopeful77.

Praying hard for you, friends. What a hard season we are headed into. I can also say, what an incredibly uplifting season we are headed into.

Crazy how such a monumental season of the year can be the same devastating season for so many of us. Coincidence? I don't think so.

I am so thankful for God and Jesus, my savior. I am so thankful for my beautiful boy and for you wonderful people who's metaphorical arms have held me too many times to count. I pray that you all find something to truly feel thankful for in your hearts and that you can feel The Reason for the season envelop you and dissolve your pain and fears. Love to you all...

(((needfriendshere, rosie437, steadychevy, blakesteele, hihn, BrokenheartedWif, hopefull77, wool94, jaynelovesvera)))

[This message edited by StrongHeart at 8:53 AM, November 23rd (Wednesday)]

On Thanksgiving morning last year my wife looks at me and says, she felt like I had raped her.

Up until that point it was the hardest words I'd ever heard. It cut me to the bone.

Wool94, it hurts my heart to read that, so I can't even imagine how much it must hurt you to have experienced it firsthand. To the core is an understatement, I think. I really don't even know what to say to try comfort you, just know that you have been heard. (((Wool94)))

Praying that we are all able to find God's peace and Thankfulness. Happy Thanksgiving.

There are so many stories here on S.I. of what the B.S. have endured, been exposed to, suffered from because the behaviors of the W.S.. It's because of those stories of others experiences and my own personal experiences that I have concluded that we the B.S. are the collateral damage of the many WSs who's selfishly motivated actions and beliefs drove them to become emotionally (some physically) abusive. This emotional abuse comes in many forms such as trickle truths, blame shifting, Gas lighting, rug sweeping, etc. All of which are forms of a lie. I personally believe there is no such thing as a harmless lie. All lies are harmful!

Satan is the father of lies, he was the most subtle of all the creatures in the garden. His intent is not only take the WS down, it is a bonus to take the BS through collateral damages he could cause using the WS. This is why adultery is a powerful weapon in the arsenal of evil. Adultery can only operate through lies. If adulters were honest with themselves and others, the affair would/could never happen.

Wool94,

Who was my wife for those 10 months? How does someone let the Devil seep in like that and be so oblivious to the pain they are causing?

Your wife was a version of Eve in the garden of Eden who listened to & believed the subtle lies of the serpent and then bit into the forbidden apple. How disappointed evil must have been not to overtake you too. I thank our God for that.

Happy Thanksgiving everyone!

I was thinking about all of the many things I am grateful for this year and one of the big ones is the continual guidance and support that God has offered me during the most difficult period in my life.

Hihn, your words about BS's being collateral damage really resonate with me - that's exactly what we are. But if Satan is the reason our WS's did what they did then God is the reason we are all surviving this and will come out the other side.

My prayers are with all of us tonight here on SI! May this holiday season be filled with blessings for each of you!

Rosie437,

But if Satan is the reason our WS's did what they did then God is the reason we are all surviving this and will come out the other side.

Amen, may the praise and glory be given to God

Hihn and Rosie47, you both have hit the nail on the head. I pray everyone here had a great Thanksgiving. My wife and I did. We are still able to have some great conversations. We now know that the Devil can find a weakness and truly exploit it.

God will win. LOL. I've read the end of the book.

I read a shirt once... when the Devil reminds you of your past, remind him of his future.

[This message edited by Wool94 at 7:43 AM, November 25th (Friday)]

[This message edited by hurt83 at 7:19 PM, November 29th (Tuesday)]

Hi everyone! I have a prayer question and was hoping to get some advice. So my wh cheated and I have decided to R. I pray about it and I have become stronger with each day. However, I still struggle with why I'm staying and if I should or not. I don't feel like those prayers are being answered. I'm still in limbo. I can't decide if this is God's way of creating a better marriage for me, or if it's a sign that I need to pack my bags and run.

[This message edited by hurt83 at 7:20 PM, November 29th (Tuesday)]

IMHO God is NOT a " wish granter " but I do believe God is always with me....God will be with me if I choose to leave or stay...

think of the Footprints prayer...when we wonder where have you been God I need you so bad....his answer I am carrying you!

don't be afraid of yourself making a decision....b/c its YOUR decision ...God will be with you no matter what...

peace

Hopefull77, I agree he's not a wish granter or an ATM as some people tend to preach. But he does say, lo, I am with you always.

Hurt83, maybe he's telling you to have patience. Waiting on patience sucks. That was the one thing I was told to never pray for. I won't pray for that, but I am praying for you.