Skan ( member #35812) posted at 4:00 PM on Saturday, July 6th, 2013
Imagine a ship trying to set sail while towing an anchor. Cutting free is not a gift to the anchor. You must release that burden, not because the anchor is worthy, but because the ship is.
D-Day, June 10, 2012
kernel ( member #27035) posted at 2:48 AM on Sunday, July 14th, 2013
"On particularly rough days when I'm sure I can't possibly endure, I like to remind myself that my track record for getting through bad days so far is 100% and that's pretty good."
Skan ( member #35812) posted at 6:22 PM on Saturday, July 20th, 2013
Imagine a ship trying to set sail while towing an anchor. Cutting free is not a gift to the anchor. You must release that burden, not because the anchor is worthy, but because the ship is.
D-Day, June 10, 2012
pmal64 ( member #13551) posted at 3:00 PM on Monday, July 22nd, 2013
.:~*~:. .:~*~:..:~*~:. .:~*~:..:~*~:. .:~*~:. .:~*~:..:~*~:.
BS-me-55
WH -60
"when they show you who they are, believe them"
AFrayedKnot ( member #36622) posted at 2:13 AM on Thursday, July 25th, 2013
BS 48fWS 44 (SurprisinglyOkay)DsD DSA whole bunch of shit that got a lot worse before it got better."Knowing is half the battle"
confused71 ( new member #39530) posted at 5:50 PM on Monday, July 29th, 2013
So I'm working on drafting my boundaries so I can share them with WH when we start MC. I've come up with 3 lists and am titling them Expectations, Goals, and Dealbreakers. I have 10 expectations, 3 deal breakers (which would result in divorce), and 5 goals for now. An example of an expectation would be an ongoing commitment to MC and IC - weekly sessions for each. An example of a goal would be to deal with conflict head on instead of avoiding it. A deal breaker example would be any inappropriate physical, emotional, or sexual contact with another person.
Do these categories make sense, or am I breaking things down too much? Also, do I need consequences for expectations? If so, what would those look like?
Also, just curious what the general consensus is about working on R while we're still separated. Worried about the kids with him moving in and then possibly moving back out again if he screws up during R.
Me: BS 39
Him: WS 44
Married 10 years, cheated at least 7 of those years
Two young DS
Multiple DDays in May 2013, and still waiting for the next DD to strike
Prostitutes abroad and in our home, 2 long-term simultaneous affairs - 1 PA & 1 EA/PA
HurtButHopeful? ( member #25144) posted at 1:09 AM on Tuesday, July 30th, 2013
Resources for R:
His Needs Her Needs, by Dr. Willard Harley
Love Busters, by Dr. Willard Harley
(for husbands) Becoming the Ultimate Husband, by Reb Bradley
lordhasaplan? (original poster member #30079) posted at 5:23 PM on Tuesday, July 30th, 2013
confused71,
Sounds like you have a clear idea of how this might work for you. I think you need to articulate the consequences of not meeting the categories. The deal breakers are straight, but what about when an expectation is not met, what will be the result.
BS- Me (45)
D-day: 5/18/10, lies and TT till (11/26/10).
Currently in R.
Don't carry others crap. It's your job to fix yourself, not your spouse.
Skan ( member #35812) posted at 6:54 PM on Saturday, August 3rd, 2013
Imagine a ship trying to set sail while towing an anchor. Cutting free is not a gift to the anchor. You must release that burden, not because the anchor is worthy, but because the ship is.
D-Day, June 10, 2012
kernel ( member #27035) posted at 3:14 AM on Saturday, August 10th, 2013
"On particularly rough days when I'm sure I can't possibly endure, I like to remind myself that my track record for getting through bad days so far is 100% and that's pretty good."
kernel ( member #27035) posted at 3:49 AM on Monday, August 12th, 2013
"On particularly rough days when I'm sure I can't possibly endure, I like to remind myself that my track record for getting through bad days so far is 100% and that's pretty good."
Phoenix9572 ( member #39987) posted at 5:33 PM on Friday, August 16th, 2013
This is a very Christian based message but the heart of the message has been very good. I have found this very helpful as I'm learning that I have let my WH walk all over my boundaries and have not stuck up for myself in the past. I plan on taking the concepts in here to my IC and getting help with defining my boudaries and consequences to my WH.
Here's the link: http://www.cs.cornell.edu/home/kreitz/Christian/Boundaries/all.html
Me - 40
WH - 42
Married 18 years
kids - 14, 12
DD - May 13, 2013
DD2 - Aug 4, 2013
DD3 - Aug 27, 2013
Status - Legally separated; really wanted R but don't think that is possible anymore
Spelljean ( member #35624) posted at 2:28 AM on Tuesday, August 20th, 2013
WH: 41
me: BS, 45
Together 18 1/2 years, married 17
DDAY 8/2/12
OW: EA- friend of 4 months
Status: separated
Simple ( member #18814) posted at 6:23 PM on Friday, September 20th, 2013
Love is a choice.
True love is harder to come by than soul mates. True love requires work.
Ignorance can be cured with knowledge. There is no cure for being an idiot.
-October 3, 2007
-February 18, 2022
Simple ( member #18814) posted at 10:05 PM on Wednesday, September 25th, 2013
Love is a choice.
True love is harder to come by than soul mates. True love requires work.
Ignorance can be cured with knowledge. There is no cure for being an idiot.
-October 3, 2007
-February 18, 2022
hard_yards ( member #23549) posted at 4:18 AM on Thursday, October 3rd, 2013
I feel like I'm in a parallel universe... everything looks the same... but something's just not right...
HurtButHopeful? ( member #25144) posted at 6:26 PM on Friday, October 11th, 2013
Resources for R:
His Needs Her Needs, by Dr. Willard Harley
Love Busters, by Dr. Willard Harley
(for husbands) Becoming the Ultimate Husband, by Reb Bradley
lordhasaplan? (original poster member #30079) posted at 4:17 PM on Monday, November 4th, 2013
BS- Me (45)
D-day: 5/18/10, lies and TT till (11/26/10).
Currently in R.
Don't carry others crap. It's your job to fix yourself, not your spouse.
Skan ( member #35812) posted at 7:08 PM on Wednesday, November 6th, 2013
Imagine a ship trying to set sail while towing an anchor. Cutting free is not a gift to the anchor. You must release that burden, not because the anchor is worthy, but because the ship is.
D-Day, June 10, 2012
Simple ( member #18814) posted at 12:46 AM on Thursday, November 7th, 2013
Love is a choice.
True love is harder to come by than soul mates. True love requires work.
Ignorance can be cured with knowledge. There is no cure for being an idiot.
-October 3, 2007
-February 18, 2022
