Spouse ran into AP
The beginning of the week, I was told by my wife that she had a conference at a hotel conference room at the mall near our house. Neither of us thought anything of it, other than to plan a dinner date after the event with each other. Leading up to the conference, I did wonder if AP would be going to this conference cause he's still in the same line of work. I forced myself not to fixate on something neither of us can control, because I knew how that could cause issues for not only us, but myself. I ended up dropping her off at the event center.
Within a couple minutes of dropping her off, I received a text from my wife saying, " AP is here" and "Co-Worker told me as a heads up". I responded with "well that's unfortunate, has he noticed you". She responded with "No", and I jokingly stated that I was close by still and I could go shit on his car, if it made things better. After that we didn't text for a while till later when I had to pick her up. But during that time, I just went home and went to sleep, because I felt since I had nothing to do and keep my mind from this unfortunate situation, my mind would race and I would overreact.
After waking up from a very long overdue nap, I ended up going to the mall and killing about an hour at bookstore near the event center. I told her I was nearby when she was ready to be picked up. Eventually, time came for pick up and I got her and we were trying to decide what to have for dinner. During this time, she clearly noticed I was "off". I reassured her I wasn't (lied), because I had not been able to really process everything and didn't want to overreact. At some point, we decided on a restaurant and found a parking spot. Once we parked, my wife asked if we wanted to address the obvious elephant in the room (AP). I said we could, if she would like to. She helped me process what I was feeling by stating, " You want to talk about AP being there, but want to make it clear that we are okay and there's no issue between us." I agreed to that statement and then we talked.
She explained she interacted with him twice during the entire conference. She stayed by her co-workers and did not go anywhere he was. When he approached her general area, she would look elsewhere or avoid him. The two times he talked to her was to say hi or ask her how she was, and in both situations, she responded professionally as she would with anyone else. She made it clear that she had no clue he was going to be there and did not even consider that he would be there when she signed up for the conference. I did admit the night before, I did have a dream (nightmare?) about this exact situation, and we laughed about that.
Now this is where things got a little annoying for me. She mentioned that a bunch of her co-workers (Approximately 20 people) were planning on going to lunch tomorrow. She made a comment how if AP was invited by them, she would make every effort to avoid being seated near him or not go if the amount going dropped down to 5 or less, where she would be stuck near him. To me, I did not understand why she needed to be anywhere near him in a situation she doesn't have to be. Eventually we stopped talking and went inside the restaurant and we ordered food. At some point, I realized I was not okay with that comment about lunch. I told her I do not trust him, and I do not think it be appropriate to be in that situation. My wife stated she respected my opinion and would respect it.
The next day happens, and she did not go to the restaurant that people wanted to go to, because it happened to be the same place we had gone for dinner. She did not have any further interactions with him.
The thing is for me; I'm hung up on the comment of even going to lunch. Am I overreacting? Should I have deeper talk with her on why she thinks that would be okay even in a larger setting with 20 people. Mind you, some of her co-workers know what happened but also know he was terminated cause of sexual harassment of females at her office (including her). So, I'm confused why inviting him would even be a good idea by anyone.
5 comments posted: Saturday, December 6th, 2025
How Did You Feel Throughout Reconciliation
After reading more recent posts and even dealing with my own individual process of reconciliation. I noticed a lot of us touch this specific topic in response to another question, but we never really do a deep dive.
If it's a repeated post, feel free to delete or disregard it.
I'm 16 Months in reconciliation. I'm finally no longer feel anger towards WW or the situation. Nor do I feel like it has a huge control over who am as a person in some ways as I did early on. I do believe I have come to accept the affair has happened and that there's nothing I or anyone can do to undo it. Not only that, but I no longer wonder what I could have done to stop it. However, I do feel like I've started entering into a phase of putting up walls, whether it be emotional or other to protect myself from being disappointed. I know at some point I have to address that. I know someone posted something similar in another post, which led me to this post.
It seems like some more than others have had similar experiences and feelings in reconciliation. It seems like while the obvious is why we all are here and that is a core similarity. However, how we feel during the months during reconciliation varies and we all at some point feel alone and lost.
So, I was curious how did you feel and what did you go through with your spouse during the first 12 Months, 24 Months, 36 Months...etc.
14 comments posted: Saturday, November 1st, 2025
Advice on Expressing Flasbacks of DDay to Spouse
I know a lot of people have posted about having moments where they see something that triggers them and brings their thoughts to DDay or just those thoughts just appear out of nowhere.
How do you all address them with your spouse.
I ask, because I’ve noticed I will become extremely withdrawn when those thoughts appear. And I understand my wife is feeling guilt, shame and embarrassment from DDay. However, she can tell when I get withdrawn and start to shutdown. Obviously, she feels as if she had done something wrong at that specific moment. However, it has nothing to do with that moment, but moments that occurred months ago. The last thing I want to do is add to those feelings of guilt and shame.
Is it better to express to her that I randomly have started to think about DDay. It’s easier if there is a trigger, but random pop up thoughts? It makes it seems like that’s all I think about then. Or maybe I’m overthinking this?
11 comments posted: Thursday, October 16th, 2025
Being Bombarded with Infidelity Posts on Social Media
I haven’t posted on here at all, but I have read as many posts as I could to help me through this situation.
My DDay was last year in June. So it hasn’t been too long in the reconciliation process and even during that short time there were setbacks. Which we did overcome and I’m assuming there might be more on both our ends.
Anyway, I’ve come to find out just like movies and tv shows, cheating is a major topic that keeps showing up on social media. For weeks on end it disappears but then it remerges. Even if I press "uninterested".
Sometimes it makes me second guess why I’m even trying to fix us. Basically, at times it reminds me of the pain that was inflicted by someone that’s not supposed to do that to you.
For the ones who are still in reconciliation or even the ones who’s not, how do you deal with it.
10 comments posted: Saturday, September 27th, 2025
