Off the charts pissed!

So here I am again! Over 10 years later! I can't even describe the feelings I have right now.

Backstory - My WH was addicted to pills for almost 4 years going to rehab and off in 2013. He was straight up crazy with the Doctors help. While he was there my world crumbled around me. I found messages with all kinds of women, different dating sites etc. These were completely unhinged, he was manic by trying to get off of these pills himself. He had started various business and actually REGISTERED them with the IRS etc. He was being sued, he was in legal trouble. I found and took to the police station an entire gallon sized ziploc bag of various antidepressants, suboxone, ambien etc. It was insane. He was given the most random drugs to combat side effects of the others. I just knew I was going to find him dead from the mixture. This was all prescribed and he was taking them as told. He removed me from talking to this quack who was supposed to help him off of the oxycotin. He completed rehab, we did all the things, reconciled. I didn't really want to reconcile if I'm completely honest, I was fine with moving on but I had kids at home and we were all shell shocked so I decided to try. Let me say that it was a very long road back! When you are done and decide to learn to love someone again is not easy! I didn't do it for me, I did it for my family which at the time was more important because the kids were very angry.

Fast forward - I found out Saturday that he had sex with some woman he met at bar while I was on a business trip in November! He started drinking heavily in 2020 and hasn't stopped. He's been in a pattern of drinking at least a pint of hard alcohol starting in the middle of the day, waking up, go to work, then start again because of the hangover. He's definitely an addict and been blacked out and unhinged. After all the work he did to end up like this again. My kids don't know about this just the drinking. We have tried over the last 3 years to talk to him. He's not this person sober. I'm pissed! I need to get my finances in order so I'm stuck here with him. He wants to reconcile again! WTF!

My mind has been racing. I got tested for STDs yesterday. I had to tell my work I'm sick but can work from home. I'm a hot mess express. I'm not making any decisions right now about anything. I've decided that I don't owe anyone but myself. I shouldn't be surprised he did this but I am. I've been on high anxiety for at least a year because of the PTSD from a years ago. It has all creeped back. I've watched him want me to want him, respect him etc but the alcoholic behavior has not supported those things so he's feeling all shitty about himself and instead of getting sober he decides to be a victim that isn't wanted.

Anyway - I'm thankful this page exists. I'm a very private person but I need to vent

5 comments posted: Tuesday, December 17th, 2024