Seperation after 4 yrs later since i cheated.

Ok i know what your thinking, I'm a loser because I cheated. I deserve what I get right? Well, before I cheated there was a lot going on prior to that. I pushed my wife to theater her career and always supported her since day one and paid for all her expenses since our children were born. She was so frustrated with her schooling to a point where she brought it home everyday. Coming home yelling at me and the kids for no reason when covid first started becoming really bad and then eventually we all went into quarantine. Now, I was never that husband who expected dinner on the table or the house clean when I got home from work. I paid the mortgage for 10 years on my own while I paid for her schooling and supported her. We stopped having sex or any romantic experiences at all. I'm tired, I'm not in the mood ect.. .at this point I was not In a good spiritual or mental place. One day I went to one of my friends party and had a great time getting out of my head. A couple of days later my friend said that hey, I know that your struggling but there is this girl that was at the party that thought you was Super cute. I told him that I was married and I couldn't talk to any girls. He said he told her what I was going through at the time and I said why bro? He said that he was just trying to help me out. A few days later I received a message on my Instagram from this girl and she was super nice and supportive to my situation. I responded by saying thanks I appreciate it. Then we continued to communicate via Messenger. We slowly got closer as time when by because she mad eme feel wanted and was extremely comforting. Long story short we ended up having an affair and immediately I felt like a piece of Crap. I ended it afyer a month cause I just couldn't continue being disloyal and deceitful it was eating away at me. Anyways, one day she went on my computer and saw one of the messages that she sent me and that was it. It's never been the same since. I got honest with her because I loved her enough to come clean because I made a huge mistake and we almost got divorced but we managed to pull through and go to counseling. Since then I have been 100% loyal and supportive to all her feelings and told her tat I live with that guilt everyday and widh that I could take it back but I can't. All I could do was show her that I meant it and I did in so many ways and she forgave me. 4 years later she suddenly without any warning says that she wants us to separate for a little while. I'm like WTF where is this coming from? We were doing great and now this out of nowhere? Now I'm here thinning what am I going to do, I don't want our family to separate because they are my world. Now I know what I did was wrong but I regret it everyday and make a commitment to make ammends and reinforcing our marriage. We were doing great I bought us a new beautiful house, vacations ect.. I live with this pain everyday and I know that I made the biggest mistake in my life but if I didn't love her I wouldn't be here trying my absolute best to make it all up to her. I've dedicated my life to make it up to her and support her feelings when they arrived, but now here I am hurting. I know I'll get backlash, well you deserve it and you cause this and I can't agree more and I've accepted that but when someone is truly sorry and hurt for what they did it and wants to make us right again like myself doesn't that count for anything? Well, thanks for listening and feel free to take your shots at me for what I did but, I know that I asked God's forgiveness and hers and we all make mistakes but being honest and willing to make it right counts for something. Let's see what happens I guess.

7 comments posted: Wednesday, November 20th, 2024