Marriage Built on Secrets and Lies

TL;DR

Recently found out husband never gave up porn. He cheated on me with two transgender prostitutes (literally paid them money) in our house while I was 5 days postpartum sick in the hospital overnight AND he’s been doing coke for 4 months while at home with our 2yr child.

LONG STORY

I’ve been married to my husband for 3yrs. The first year into our marriage I told him how I don’t like him watching porn and looking at other girls. Thought he gave it up but apparently not. I recently found out he stopped watching heterosexual porn because it doesn’t get him hard anymore. Since January he’s been watching trans porn. In May he started doing coke. Literally spending at least $700 a week on coke also at this time he’s been a staying at home with our 2yr due to daycare issues. I’ve noticed a change in his behavior and demeanor over the last few months, but he kept saying he didn’t feel like himself and was depressed. So I kept asking him to talk to someone if he couldn’t talk to me and having heart to heart conversations with him. I was working full time and would come home with nothing cleaned and no dinner made. I told him how burnt out I was but he didn’t care. During my entire pregnancy we had sex once and was constantly asking for sex but he was always "tired".

Fast ward to September. I gave birth to our 2nd child. I had postpartum complications that lead me back into the hospital 5 days later. Since husband kept complaining of being "tired" I made arrangements for my parents to take the kids for a day so he could get some rest while I was in the hospital overnight. However, he took that as an opportunity to live out his fantasy of having sex with two prostitutes trans women in our house. He paid them $850 dollars. I found out 12 hours later because something just didn’t sit right with me and I checked his phone. Through the course of the last month all he’s done is lie and even paid the prostitute another $800 so they wouldn’t tell me what all happened in the house. It didn’t matter because I found everything out in the end. He’s been working on himself the last two weeks. No coke or porn since then, going to mental health sessions and even trying to get into outpatient rehab for drug addiction.

I’ve been trying to understand porn and coke addiction, but I’m so hurt and confused. idk how our marriage can recover from this. I want to support and help him for his sake as well for our kids. He says after the whole encounter he knows he’s not gay/bi and he’s disgusted with himself. But idk what to think. I just keep questioning, "Was this a fetish/obsession that he took the chance to live out his fantasy while high" or "does he like transwomen and trying to save face". He also is saying this is the first time he's physically cheated on me, which is somewhat believable since he never really many opportunities before D-day. I'm just so confused on what to think.

17 comments posted: Monday, October 28th, 2024