Husband having an affair

Hello,

In January of this year I found out my husband had been having an affair with his colleague. They first met in September 2022 and it sounds like it started not long after, so around 16 months the affair lasted. I was 5 months pregnant (we were actively trying for this baby) when I found out about the affair and we also have another 2 year old child other. We have been together for 13 years and married for 5. I’m absolutely devastated and my whole life feels like it has been ripped from underneath me. I honestly loved my husband and my life so much I genuinely felt so lucky that I had built a beautiful life with the man of my dreams.
I found out about the affair because it had somehow became a wide spread piece of gossip in my hometown and many many people knew about it and had been telling me what they had heard, I confronted my husband in December 2023 which he denied and gave a reason for the rumour, I believed him (because I honestly trusted him with all my heart) and had his back with the whole situation. Then I had been shown some hard evidence and he finally admitted it in the January, a month later.

I spoke to the affair partner on the phone and she gave me A LOT of information about their relationship, the holidays they had been on, the sex they had, he told her how much he loved her, the future plans they made etc she sent me pictures of them two together and also sent me screenshots of some of the messages he sent to her. Two messages which really stuck in my mind is him telling her that he didn’t want the baby I was pregnant with at the time and another of him telling her she was the best this to have ever happened to him.

I feel so blindsided because to me we were very much still in a loving relationship. We told each other we loved each other all the time, we’re very affectionate, sex life was great, we were trying for our second baby, booked holidays, we’re looking at buying a bigger house and much more. We had some struggles during the period too but I never thought they were struggles that would lead to an affair. However I look back now and see so many signs that I had missed and can’t understand why I never questioned anything!

I’m so devastated that my husband could do this to me and our children I just can’t understand why and how. I’m stuck in a place of my heart wants to stay but my head is telling me to leave. I feel so lost and I’m still stuck in the mindset of "is this really real, has MY husband really done this’. I am struggling with such intrusive thoughts and it is driving me insane how much I think about the two of them together, the conversations they had and what they got up to behind my back.

Sorry for such a long essay! I would love to hear some honest stories of those who stayed after an affair and how they feel now? Do you think about the affair often? Did you manage to move on from it? Do you feel you made the right decision to stay?

Thank you x

17 comments posted: Friday, October 25th, 2024