12 months on from double betrayal, somethings still messy.

Long vent here, 12 months ago I rang my friend who Id known for 40+ years from the home phone as his mobile has been going straight to messages from my mobile for 12 months plus. My wife(of 28 years, relationship 34) was away as she was "meeting a friend to catch-up on Uni (adult entry/second course, actually 3rd) So as I've got my Mob. in my hand something nudges me in my head as its about 9pm, to text my wife to ask how dinner was. I hear "Bing" in the background of my friends phone, so I text again, "Bing!" So I text a third time, BING, and then a fourth, but it is not as loud so she's obviously moved away.

I didn't say anything as I was dumbfounded, shocked, emotional, and a downright mess. I was at home with my 5 kids, and she was with him, he also sounded drunk, slurring his words. I confronted her on the phone the next day, she denied it, said "her friend cancelled at the last min, and she just called him to talk and he came down then left straight after I called. I tried to believe this, but said to her, I'm not sleeping in our bed anymore and you can have the divorce you've threatened me with the last 6 months. I was calling my "friend" 3-4 times a week, and anything I said to him came back through her mouth within 24-48hrs.

So getting sick of this bullshhh, I did a bit of looking at the financials given by her lawyer of her private acc. She had been away about 13 times in the past 14 months, supposedly for Uni catch ups or other friends, of those she had only paid for 1/2, and not for the one I caught her at with his phone. So I looked at the website, as it was Easter Sunday, It required the room be pre-booked with a credit card, and she had no cash out from her account for over a month. This proved to me she was lying as she claimed she paid cash.... I then found out through other means/sources he had booked the room, and confronted her with that. She admitted that he booked it but claimed he didn't stay. I told her B.S as I could tell he was drunk, and as a tour/hire bus driver wouldn't risk loosing his licence. He had only called me once in the 3 months after I caught them, always claiming innocence, and as he was my best man and friend since six, I wanted to believe him. But he then called about 1-2 days after my wife confessed to him booking the room, and said " my wife is here next to me so lets talk" , I just said "I know" he said "you know what" I said "I know that you booked the room and organised it 3 days beforehand as she's rung you on her mobile on the 6th". He mumbled at first, "I booked it", then he started yelling "how did you find out and you better get your lawyers ready as I'm going to sue you". I just laughed at him and said go-ahead.

To get to the point of me knowing took 3 months of torture, I almost had a breakdown, as I so wanted to believe both of them, but they couldn't even get their lies to match up! She said "he left straight away, which I knew was a lie, as he wasn't home 2hrs later and the place they stayed at was only 50min from his place. he said he left about 30min after my call. before I got the financials I asked to see my wife's messenger records to show she had called him after her "friend cancelled". as she claimed she never calls anyone on the normal mobile system, she refused, as did he.

So after I found out, I started to dig, found a bad pic of him at a cover band show next to where she stayed a month before. So i dug more and found out he'd booked another room much further down the coast when she went away for a 2 day trip supposedly with her friends, but again shed paid for drinks at the place he booked, and dinner across the road, and he had booked the biggest room with a spa in it.

I believe their affair started 14 months before I found out. My wife and I in Feb. 2022 had a loud argument at 12-1230, id only had about 3hrs sleep after previous night shift, and she was drunk on an entire bottle of wine and spirits on top. So I said "enough, I'm going to sleep in the study", grab my pillow and phone/charger and walk down the hall to the study with her yelling "come back to bed" several times, I ignore her, sit on the bed in the study and plug in my phone. She comes in and tries to grab me, I said "no, your drunk, go back to bed and we will talk in the morning when your sober" and pulled out of her grip, she then punched me in the temple/side of left eye socket, i got up to move away and she tried to push me over, and almost did! I got angry and held her arms to her side and walked her out of the study and yelled at her " you don't hit and attack you partner, get out, you want a divorce you've got it!". At this stage my 2 youngest kids where crying and my oldest was trying to comfort them so i went into their room and sat with them until they went to sleep. My wife stormed back to our room slammed the door and went to bed. She got up the next day and disappeared for 5 days. When she came back, we spoke and seemed to be working better together for about 8 months, but she was going away 1/month and 2-3 times a week would go for a drive to "supposedly relax and watch the ocean" then in October/November she started back on the I want a divorce , I hate what you did 10 years ago when you apologised to a nurse in NICU looking after our child after She lost the plot and yelled at the nurse.

Looking back the actual reason for the 2-3 times a week disappearing where probably her going to meet him as he would either have big 3-5hr gaps in his runs, or sty places overnight if doing a tour/school excursion.

I firmly believe the affair started in Feb. 2022, after she assaulted me, out of spite, as she had hated him until then, and was suddenly, lets go to his place and have dinner with him and his wife. She lied about where she stayed in march and stayed basically 15 min from his place/2min from his work, not 2hrs away in a different town.

So end result, she moved out in Oct, sold the house last month and settled financially. I haven't told the kids yet because I don't want them to hate her, but she's still seeing my former friend , yet is still supposedly good friends with his wife!!!

7 comments posted: Tuesday, April 9th, 2024