Were they really just friends?

First time poster here looking for some support/advice.
Bascially, found out husband had been messaging and calling another woman a lot and this had been kept from me. He never ecen mentioned her name. Upon discovering this (it had been going on for quit some time) i confronted him and obviously got the 'were just friends'. He was very nice and calm in his response, nothing to make me think he was lying (didnt get angry at me for questioning, tried to expliain etc, tried to reassure me). She is someone who he has never met as she doesnt live anywhere near us, but work calls turned to private calls and messaging. I was told they speak during work time a lot and that they just talk about common interests and life etc. I asked him so you dont talk about private things like our relationship? and he said no.
Something didnt feel right so yes i snooped. And i found all the messages etc. It wasnt only in work time, there were messages at night (when i was probably in bed next to him), and weekends. And one message stuck out where it clearly became apparent they had been talking about more personal things to do with our relationship, so he had lied to me. I confronted again, and he got upset, never got angry at the fact id snooped, told me i could speak to her etc.
Ill say that nothing else about the messages seamed innapropriate, but it was apparrent they were quite close.
Fast forward and i just cant seam to shake it. Why lie? Why never tell me about her if they were just friends? I am not a jelous person, ive never had an issue with him and the opposite sex, so ive never given him a reason to need to hide anything.
I feel like im stuck in limbo. I have no 'evidence' that anything innapropriate has occured. But i just cant seam to shake the feeling. Hes adamant they were just friends, but for me, it just seams more then that, even if it wasnt sexual.
Nothing about his behaviour changed, there are no 'signs' that hed checked out, hes been massively trying to reassure me and gave me his phone willingly to read all the messages properly as when i snooped i just had a quick scan.
But i just cant seam to get over it. They havent spoke since after he told the woman that i had found out and wasnt impressed. But isnt this a bit odd? If they were really just friends and there was nothing else involved, why stop speaking? I have no problem with friends when theyre not hidden from me. Why stop speaking if they generally just like to chat and get on?
Am i reading too much into this? I hate feeling like this? I dont know what to think, as whenever i see other stories about similar on places like this (emotional affairs), there always seems to be more to it (i.e messages that show partners decalring feelings for the other person, sexual content in the messages). But i dont have any of this. So how do i get past this? My trust in him is totally gone. I feel like hes not the person i thought he was (lies, hiding things etc). Im not even sure if talking to him about it will help, as theres nothing else to discuss. We dont agree on the basis of this 'friendship'. I see it as crossing line and must have been more to it, he says there just friends. Am i being a doormat?, or am i overreacting? Any advice or support would be great. In a way i feel like it would be easier if id have found something concrete as at least id know where id stand. Can anyone relate? Thanks.

10 comments posted: Saturday, December 16th, 2023