Im lost

I don't really know what to do or how I feel. I've been cheated on and lied to in just about every relationship. When I started dating my significant other 4 years ago I told her about my trust issues. A few years ago I caught her cheating through snapchat. It took some time but I forgave her. In October 2022 I found out she was again talking to other guys on social media and sending/receiving photos and videos. I confronted her and she ended things. This is where it gets difficult... We haven't been "dating" since October of last year but we still live together because we are unmarried and bought a house together. We also have a daughter together and each have a child from a previous relationship. She had a boyfriend for awhile between October and now. A few months ago she wanted to try to work things out. I told her that I don't know if I want to because she has already caused so much hurt. I ended up telling her that I'd give her a few months for her to prove to me this is what she wants and to try to regain some of my trust. In the last 3 months I caught her twice talking to other guys on snapchat then she lied about it. I told her I was done and wanted her to move out. She begged and cried and threatened to kill herself.. "If we can't be together then there's no reason for me to be alive anymore". I kept telling her no for days and days and she wouldn't stop crying and begging. I told her I'd think about it and that she has alot of proving to do while I'm thinking. She immediately deleted all social media on her phone and she has been acting more affectionate and respectful towards me. She has also started therapy and told me she came to the conclusion that she has cheated on me on social media all those times because she was always the ugly duckling growing up and had no friends, so now she craves and is addicted to attention from others and to feel wanted from others.. which baffles me because I have always gave her constant attention and treated her like a queen. She wants to do couples therapy and try to work through this and be together. I just don't know what to do. I part of me wants to but a part of me doesn't because what's done is done. This last time I caught her cheating it didn't even hurt, I was just disappointed. But we have a daughter together and I'm the only father her son has ever known. It's a very confusing time for me. My heart and mind are in constant battle on what to do. She has made me feel absolutely worthless and I feel like I'll never be good enough.

10 comments posted: Thursday, September 28th, 2023