I want to be the man she thought I was …………..

I am scared

I am not scared for me. I am scared of losing my wife. Our family. Our life together.

Before I start if you want to read and reply. I can’t spell properly. And I don’t understand the abbreviated stuff so please reply with full words.

I’m male 42. Wife is female 40. Married 17 years. Wife was 16 when we started dating. I was 18.

It took use ruffly 5-6year to legally get married and those years were a roller coaster of emotions. We had open relationships. We broke up numerous times. Then when we had our first child we said to each other. " that stuff is all over now. We have a child to look after. No more bullshit ". And then when we were pregnant with child no two we found out we could now legally get married and we did.

We had a girl then a boy. We were happy. I worked on the land. And I didn’t even think about other woman. Then I started truck driving and I started flerting with other women. And it started going down hill from there.

Long story short. For the last 10 years I have fully cheated ones. Been on sex web sites. Chated up lots of woman. Sent out x rated picks of myself.at one stage I had a burner phone so I wouldn’t get court Left my wife and kids for another woman. And the only way my wife found out on numerous time was not from me. Each time I was able to convince my wife to come back to me.

We have had another baby girl thinking it might help.

I have now told her everything. All the bad. I know that if I don’t "fix" myself that she won’t take me back anymore. This is it. I am on my last leg.

It has been aprox 1 year since my last mishap. I have gorn to the doctor and had a test. I have read a couple of couple books. My wife and I have been on here for some time now. She has full access to my phone computer. Everything in my life is fully open to here. She came follow my phone on her phone and I tell here what I’m doing and where I’m going. At all times.
I simply don’t talk to other woman unless I really need to. I honestly think Im a sex addict. But my wife thinks that is just an excuse. Witch is probably true.

Now my wife is an awesome woman for putting up with me for all these years but she is at the end of her tether. "No more or it’s over" She can’t trust me anymore. She triggers on everything. Our love for each other is the only thing holding use together. At one stage she told me if it wasn’t for the kids she contemplated killing her self.

We still make love on occasion. We hold hands. I always hold the door for her. We sleep together in the same bed. I try to help her as much as I can. Some days are good. But some days are bad and all I want to do is just hold her.

We need help. We believe in family and sticking together though Thick and thin. Good and bad. And want to fix the the big fuck up I have done to this family.

Any feed back would be appreciated. We don’t believe in counselling. The money put on counselling puts more pressure on things.

3 comments posted: Sunday, November 20th, 2022