Finally leaving a serial cheater after Dday #3

Hey everyone! I've been on here for a few weeks reading stories and familiarizing myself with the forum. I've been with my partner since Jan 2018 and after 2 Ddays early in our relationship the fog has finally lifted from my brain and I am wondering what I'm still doing with this man and have started to get my ducks in a row to leave. I'd like to share my depressing story.

My partner started love bombing me right out the gate. He told me he loved me the 2nd day we met. He asked me to be his gf a month after we met and I happily accepted.

I'd like to mention that our CT diagnosed him with NPD and me with codependency. Which explains alot of why I stayed and why he kept cheating.

D-day 1: about 5 months into the relationship ship we were hanging out in the backyard having some drinks in the evening. His phone rings and it's a woman (K). I make him answer and he acts like he has no idea who it is. Hangs up. I make him call her back. I take the phone and run into the bathroom. K tells me that she has been sleeping with him since October!!! I was furious. He started crying and said it was his ex that hated him so much. She had her friend call him to ruin things for him and I because she didn't want to see him happy. I found her on Facebook and she send me proof. Screenshots of convos and such. He ended up admitting it finally and told me it was mommy issues causing him to stray? I bought the sob story and we stayed together.

During this time he does NOT put in the work. No remorse. All the red flags your could imagine.

Nov 5th 2018: find out I'm pregnant. Oops... I decided to keep it, but he left. Then a few days later decided he wanted to be part of the baby's life so came back.

D-day 2: Jan 2019, 3 months pregnant. We went on vacation to the Bahamas and he went out on the jet ski. I decided to grab his phone and start recording for him. He used snapchat alot so I decided to make a snap story as well. Well my curiosity got the best of me and I started snooping. Found out he was talking to and exchanging photos with several women. Confronted him. He tried to deny it but I knew he was lying. I faked that everything was fine the rest of the trip and when we got home I packed all his stuff in bags, changed the lock, and dropped it off at his parents house and texted him telling him that was it. He begged and pleaded to be in the baby's life. Cried. The whole shpeal. I reluctantly took him back but only if he agreed to go to therapy. It was originally supposed to be only him going but turned into couples therapy..

We stay together. Have the baby. He minimizes my trust issues, tells to stop bringing up the past. All the red flags you could imagine. But I stayed cuz I was a new mom and scared to be a single new mom. He's going clubbing weekly and I tell him to stop. So he downloads a location faker and keeps clubbing and pretends he's at a restaurant (we got location tracking as a way to try and reestablish trust as suggested by the CT). I confront him and he stops.

I spend the next year being busy with our son but almost daily I ask if I should stay or go. I'm constantly hit with triggers and it's all just driving me crazy. But I so badly wanted two kids close in age and didn't want to risk splitting and not finding another partner fast enough or maybe never finding one. So I stayed mostly to have another child close in age. We had our 2nd and I decide to put all the location creeping and stuff aside because it is impacting my mood and ability to raise my kids. So I focus on my kids for a while.

My partner has always belittled me, made suggestions for things I should do, wear, etc. Trying to be helpful but I'm feeling controlled. Two weeks ago, after a series of him lashing out at me for making very miniscule decisions (like singing old Mcdonald to my kids in the car and giving a cashier at the mall my email) the fog starts to clear and I start to ask myself what in the hell I'm doing with this guy. He has no respect for me, belittled me, cheats on me, lies to me, etc etc etc. So I decide I have tried to R But at the end of it all I still don't trust him and it's time to end things.

But I didn't want to end things on a hunch... I wanted to find out if in fact he was still up to stuff.

D-day 3: 2 days ago. I put on my detective hat and get to work. I go through his email and use the search feature for dating apps and stuff. pof, tinder, Instagram, snapchat, and onlyfans. I discover that he has a 2nd Instagram account and snapchat account that I know nothing about and have been accessed since D-Day 2. And then I find the onlyfans account. I decide to reset the password and BAM. I'm in! He had the account since Aug 2021 and I found a couple of ongoing back and forth conversations with women, he sent explicit photos of himself and paid for their content as well. Unreal... the man cheated on my the entire time. He had the onlyfans emails going right to his spam folder to hide them from me. Pffft.

I am so happy I caught him!! It makes it much easier to not feed into his promises to change (which clearly are just lies at this point). I'm sad that I will have to break up our family but I know I need to do this for me. I deserve a future with a man that loves values and respects me and is loyal. I haven't told my partner I know or that I'm leaving yet. But it's coming. He is going to be totally blindsided!

Thank you all for reading..

10 comments posted: Sunday, August 14th, 2022