Why is telling the truth so hard?

14 months post dday. Its been an exhausting year and I have not forgiven WH. I don't think about it every day anymore and thought we were going in a positive direction. I had one condition to reconcile - don't lie to me ever again about anything. No more secrets. Just communicate what's going on whatever it is and we can figure out next steps together but don't lie. (Childhiid trauma nonsense lying is a nonstarter for me and he's known since year 1 of marriage) I have asked WH to his face about tobacco products (I'd smell it) and he'd swear no use. Today I found chew. ( ) as he quickly pulled it away. I said what's that and he lied. I'm not fn blind what is that. He said it was a friend's. (First what kind of teenage bs is that?! Second you are lying to my face! 3rd he said it was the same friend as who's house he said he was at when he was having A.) After telling him i really dont want anything to do with him he admitted to having used it for a few years. I've come to terms he's a liar. I want to be done. If we didn't have a kid I'd have filed after dday. But I really really don't want to blow up my 8 yo duaghters life.
She knows somethings wrong. If she asks I usually say oh dad broke a really big promise that hurt my feelings a lot or dad broke the lying rule so I'm very upset.
I don't think I'll ever trust him and that's not a M I want to be in. I don't know what to do and am pretty sure I'm going to regret any decision.

3 comments posted: Saturday, November 12th, 2022