Polygraphs

I cannot figure out why polygraphs have not become standard in recovery.

There is one big site that favors using them to get to the truth, the complete truth…and usually the night before.

Polys are not "lie detectors," but the measure changes in vitals. There are now professionals who ONLY do them, and they are limited to 4-5 questions.

But our latest MC says, "they don’t build trust. BS. I was lied to the last 2-1/2 years of "reconciliation." He lied to his IC and ALL of our MCs.

How can you forgive what you don’t know? Why are Betrayed Expected to take leaps of faith again and again?

WHY DON’T WE EXPECT MORE FROM BETRAYERS?!

Mine says it would be humiliating. Really?
More than I am after nearly a decade and been given an STD that is turning to cancer?!

The whole MV community makes it as gentle on the betrayer as possible. F that.

We don’t want to know the truth, and MCs don’t want Betrayers to face real consequences.

Just try to find an MC who supports a poly to get to "ground floor" truth.

8 comments posted: Monday, September 16th, 2024

Chump for Life

So the Christmas will be three years. Mr. Perfect trickle-truthed through five MCs (the last one fired us when I found that he’d been messaging the last one the ENTIRE TIME. I’m tired. The therapist looked him in the eye and said "you’ve shown her she can never trust you again." She was pissed because he was gaslighting her, too.

I am SO tired. I don’t believe he’ll ever stop blaming me. The excuses never end. He won’t allow me to talk about it anymore. He says we could be happy but I won’t let us. I won’t let go.

He gave HPV. In the two years since I was diagnosed, it has progressed quickly and am having chunks of my cervix removed.

Our collage kids know, but just the tip of the iceberg. My daughter actually said, "we thought YOU had cheated Mom. You are so much better looking than Dad!" Oddly flattering.

I make more money than him so divorcing will hurt me. We have a multimillion dollar house I feel guilty complaining because I know there are really women who can’t leave.

He’s ruined our retirement plans. I look forward to a life with a man who I grow more and resentful at. I look at him and am repulsed.

And I love him. He’s the father of my children. I knew the day I met him that he was for me. He told me that I was the girl of his dreams.

He had the highest moral code of anyone I’d ever met. He blames me for his loss of integrity.

I know that he knows that I will never forgive him. I know that I will never get over this. Seven years of an Ashley Madison and then cheated on her with a woman it took him three years and $30k to bed ONCE.

I saw texts where she told him how beautiful I am, but what a hateful shrew I was not to have sex with him.

I wrote her and told her that he gave me HPV so… So he’s been lying to you too, idiot!

And thanks, I really am that beautiful. Oh! And he used a condom with them but didn’t know you could still catch HPV. I told her that he’d had a vasectomy 20 years ago but still either gave her something or caught something from her. He told her he didn’t want to get her pregnant

And I told her since she was 20 years younger than me, she had far more time for it to become cancer.

Sorry to ramble. I don’t believe we ever get over the pain of infidelity. But my idiot handled "recovery" very badly. Has a stupid IC who tells him that he did the best he could "without the tools." I said if you haven’t gotten the tools by now, you don’t want them.

Some men just aren’t fixable. Because they don’t think it’s them.

6 comments posted: Saturday, September 7th, 2024